Navigating Parenting, Career Shifts, and Finding New Community
In this heartfelt episode of Odejuma, Harry reunites with longtime friends and collaborators Ajifa, Bunmi, and Foladele for an engaging discussion about their lives since they last met. They candidly explore the complexities of motherhood, sharing both the joys and unexpected challenges that come with parenting, career transitions, and forming new friendships in different communities.
With humor and honesty, they reflect on personal growth, the emotional weight of loss, and the nuances of identity. The conversation takes a deeper turn as they discuss the support needed during life's changes, while also becoming quite humorous when talking about their "famous era," including experiences like navigating public transportation in Nigeria.
The episode highlights the significance of community and how friendships evolve during life's transitions. It's an inspiring reminder to embrace personal growth and stay true to your dreams as life unfolds. Tune in for inspiration to help you navigate your changes with renewed confidence and hope.
Transcript
Hi, my name is Harry and welcome to Odejuma.
Speaker A:Odejuma recognizes the magic of storytelling.
Speaker A:From personal experiences to stories of adventure, from tales of resilience to finding joy in the simple things, this story seeks to inspire, entertain, and educate.
Speaker A:Because there is power in the stories of everyday people.
Speaker A:And these stories are worth telling.
Speaker A:Hey, y' all.
Speaker A:Welcome to another episode of Odejoma.
Speaker A:I'm super excited.
Speaker A:I have the crew back.
Speaker A:If you've been following me for a while and we're on the Harry Mini journey.
Speaker A:All the people you see have been on the Harry Mini at some point in time.
Speaker A:You know, it was very interesting.
Speaker A:I'll be like, we'll be working.
Speaker A:I'll be like, absolutely nothing.
Speaker B:I'm ready for you.
Speaker A:So I managed to drag everybody on this episode.
Speaker A:What's up, y' all?
Speaker A:How y' all doing?
Speaker C:Good, good.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:How are you, Harry?
Speaker D:I'm good and it's nice to be.
Speaker D:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker D:I'm very happy to be here.
Speaker D:I really like the name of the.
Speaker D:I really like the name of.
Speaker C:Yeah, the meaning behind it.
Speaker B:Tell us more.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, don't worry about that.
Speaker D:But yeah, I like the name.
Speaker D:But also.
Speaker D:Yeah, this is like.
Speaker D:It's very full.
Speaker D:It's nice to be back.
Speaker D:I think the first time we're having like a proper face to face.
Speaker D:But like, we always chat around.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:Face to face reality shows that we're analyzing.
Speaker D:So this is quite nice.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker D:And very full circle with Harry minutes as well.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker C:Yeah, very full minutes.
Speaker A:Very full circle.
Speaker A:We've been chatting in the dms, dragging the girls, but now.
Speaker A:Okay, we don't drag anybody.
Speaker A:We don't drag anybody.
Speaker A:My apologies.
Speaker C:We don't judge.
Speaker A:We've been dragging the reality.
Speaker A:The reality shows.
Speaker A:That's what I mean.
Speaker A:Yeah, we drag the reality show.
Speaker C:Those ones need to be judged and dragged.
Speaker A:Exactly, exactly.
Speaker A: in person was at a wedding in: Speaker A:Isn't that wild?
Speaker B:That's wild.
Speaker A:Wow, that is wild.
Speaker A:It is really.
Speaker A:It's been a while and since then all of y' all have become mothers.
Speaker C:Calculating.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Cuz it feels many hours.
Speaker B: I got married: Speaker C:It feels like.
Speaker D:It feels longer, but.
Speaker D:Yeah, carry on.
Speaker B:Yeah, I know it does feel longer.
Speaker C:Been through a lot.
Speaker B:I know it just.
Speaker B: It's just: Speaker A:Like, I'm the one that has been in the marriage.
Speaker A:I know how long it has been.
Speaker B:I agree it's longer.
Speaker C: uys, a lot has happened since: Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:And the highlight is all of y' all are mothers now, and I'm just curious to know what that is like.
Speaker A:Like, yes, I am a mother.
Speaker B:The way she's dressed.
Speaker B:Mother Earth.
Speaker D:Mother Earth is ch.
Speaker A:So what.
Speaker A:What has that been like?
Speaker A:I want.
Speaker A:Anybody can go first.
Speaker A:What has that journey been like for y' all?
Speaker D:I'm the baby mom of the group because Ajifa is the OG and then Bumi and then me.
Speaker D:So my daughter just turned one a couple of weeks ago, and.
Speaker B:Yeah, thank you.
Speaker D:It's been quite interesting, I would say.
Speaker D:I think.
Speaker D:I do agree that nothing.
Speaker D:I said, nothing fully prepares you for it, but I think maybe the experiences that could sort of help along the way as we grow.
Speaker D:But I think that, yeah, nothing fully, like, gets you in this, in that, like, gets you ready.
Speaker D:I still looked at her today, and I was just like, I just can't believe that you're mine.
Speaker D:I can't believe that with God's help, we've kept a human being alive for a year.
Speaker D:And I think, considering that I freaked out so much, like, about whether I wanted kids and what that would look like and blah, blah, blah.
Speaker B:So I remember.
Speaker D:And then.
Speaker D:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker D:And a lot of, like, praying and trusting God around that.
Speaker D:And then to see her, like, she's so easy.
Speaker D:She's, like, far from the fears that I had and far from the worries and.
Speaker D:But I think, as people also say, you see a lot of our relationship with God sort of mirrored in kids, like how God loves us, how maybe.
Speaker C:Amen.
Speaker D:But, yeah, so it's been wild, unreal, fulfilling.
Speaker B:Beautiful.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:Amen.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:Wow, wow, wow.
Speaker B:Nice one.
Speaker C:Nice one.
Speaker B:Nice one there.
Speaker B:I guess maybe John Lee for lady to speak for all of us.
Speaker B:Because if I open my own mind.
Speaker C:They'Ll be like, it's not quite giving.
Speaker B:The same experience, but I would have been great.
Speaker B:I bless God every day for the child that God.
Speaker A:This is a safe space, y' all.
Speaker A:Y' all can be honest about it.
Speaker D:I want the real.
Speaker B:I bless God every day that God gave my child to me.
Speaker B:I bless God.
Speaker B:Cut the tape.
Speaker B:Just cut it.
Speaker B:Because, I mean, like, it's.
Speaker C:It's.
Speaker B:It's been a beautiful journey.
Speaker B:Like she said, you look at your child and you're like, I gave birth to this human.
Speaker B:Like, they are forming their personalities.
Speaker B:They're becoming like, you know, what's the word?
Speaker B:I don't say terrorists now.
Speaker C:Just, you know, finding independence.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:They are adventurous.
Speaker B:And it's glory.
Speaker C:Oh, yeah.
Speaker C:That's what they say.
Speaker B:And I think my own particularly, I think because God realized that I wasn't really about, you know, emotional stuff.
Speaker B:Oh, hugs and kisses and, you know, my.
Speaker C:Let's get you.
Speaker B:Extremely affectionate.
Speaker B:Extremely so.
Speaker B:He needs to, like, you need to be looking at him all the time.
Speaker B:You pull your.
Speaker B:If you're not even paying attention, you can fling my phone and pull my face towards him.
Speaker B:And he likes hugs and kisses.
Speaker B:And sometimes I'm just tired of being touched.
Speaker B:But I don't complain because I know that the older I get, the older they get, the harder it is to get them in those.
Speaker B:Those positions, in those moments.
Speaker B:I'm presently in toddlerhood, like Faladele said, they are still behind me.
Speaker B:So they don't know that is the ghetto.
Speaker B:They don't know that it's the actual ghetto.
Speaker B:You know, I prefer a newborn to this.
Speaker B:This place that we are in and all sorts.
Speaker B:Every day is an experience and you just have to keep praying that God keeps you alive.
Speaker B:But, yeah, it's, it's, It's a very rewarding journey.
Speaker B:Like, it's, it's your.
Speaker B:Your heart in.
Speaker B:Outside your chest.
Speaker B:So, yeah, it's also a lot of worrying, a lot of anxiety.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's, it's, it's.
Speaker B:It's very heavy mentally.
Speaker B:And I look at my mom and I'm like, how did you do this for four children?
Speaker B:You know, I just have one and I feel like, how and why.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, that's, that's my feedback.
Speaker B:Let me go ahead.
Speaker C:Oh, you guys have said it.
Speaker C: d very similar journeys since: Speaker C:In the sense that outside having kids, we've moved countries.
Speaker C:We have, you know, but in, like, new jobs in new countries, like, we've had our lives literally changed.
Speaker C:And it's not because we eat.
Speaker C:You know, it really upended.
Speaker C:So, yeah, it's been quite the journey.
Speaker C:For me in particular, it's been like moving two countries, relocating once to the uk, then to Canada.
Speaker C:I know there might be a trip.
Speaker C:Keep watching.
Speaker C:No, no, no, nothing.
Speaker C:Stay tuned.
Speaker C:But it's, it's been quite.
Speaker C:I would say it's been really fun for some part of it.
Speaker C:And I've been very fortunate in the sense that everywhere we've gone to, at least I've gotten good jobs.
Speaker B:Hallelujah.
Speaker C:So I've got, you know, afford my life.
Speaker C:And then obviously we having a child, she's 19 months now, and it's a bit of f.
Speaker C:And sorry, let me translate for.
Speaker B:Let me translate for Harry that is.
Speaker D:One year, but also for me cuz I still count in one year.
Speaker D:Yeah, thanks for that.
Speaker C:So the problem is I thought, I thought people were doing the most when they counted in months.
Speaker C:But a lot of yeah, 18 months is not 19 months.
Speaker C:And then even when they go to school or blah blah, blah, like you're feeling girl, I'm always calculating.
Speaker C:I only know this because she recently turned it like yesterday and I feel the form.
Speaker C:But a month makes a huge difference.
Speaker C:Like a month ago she might not be walking.
Speaker C:Now she's walking.
Speaker C:A month ago, she might not be talking.
Speaker C:Now she's like, it makes a big difference.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Anyway, so a lot has happened, a lot has changed.
Speaker C:I have changed.
Speaker C:My daughter is not quite Kenne in terms of affectionate UK enough, which is fine for me.
Speaker C:Her dad, not so much because he wants all the love and affection.
Speaker C:I'm like, yeah, but, but yeah, it's cool.
Speaker C:She is a toddler.
Speaker B:But.
Speaker C:But you know.
Speaker B:Really?
Speaker C:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker C:So I'm still cruising.
Speaker C:I would say I'm still cruising.
Speaker C:I'm still cruising compared to, compared to Ajifa, I'm very much still cruising.
Speaker C:But yeah, it's been good.
Speaker C:I am excited for how, how much the last three years has changed.
Speaker C:Like I was, I was telling Rotimi, Texas, my husband for you out there, I was telling him about.
Speaker C:I was telling him how every year, for the last.
Speaker C: think since I got married in: Speaker C:If it's not like getting married, then it's again.
Speaker C:Then it's having a child or, you know, moving again.
Speaker C:Like every year just seems to be such a year that something big has happened.
Speaker C:And I'm curious what would this year be like?
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So it's been quite the journey for me.
Speaker A:Yeah, I really am happy for y' all.
Speaker A:Really excited.
Speaker A:Oh my God.
Speaker A:Is that what's happening?
Speaker C:Rebuke?
Speaker B:I reject.
Speaker D:I love the rebuking and rejecting.
Speaker A:I thought I was making a gesture of maybe another lady was undoing back.
Speaker C:To the sender, you know, so double for us.
Speaker A:God gave me double for your trouble.
Speaker A:But it is so.
Speaker A:It is so nice to.
Speaker A:I feel like, like I said earlier on, I feel like a lot has changed since, you know, we all were in the same room together.
Speaker A:Even before that things were already changing.
Speaker A:Like we left TVC at different points in time.
Speaker A:Faladili was the last to leave.
Speaker C:It took a while.
Speaker A:But things have.
Speaker A:Things happened, you know, with us Our friendships evolved, our personal lives evolved and changed.
Speaker A:When I met Foladele, this is not how we were where we met initially.
Speaker A:We're young, and we were vibrant, you know, Please.
Speaker C:I'm still young.
Speaker C:I'm still young.
Speaker D:Thank you.
Speaker D:But.
Speaker D:But yes.
Speaker D:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker C:There are days when you need to sleep at night.
Speaker A:And I met, you know, and I met in Covenant, you know, together, and we were munchkins, you know, at the time.
Speaker B:Your neck was long.
Speaker B:That time.
Speaker B:Everything was long.
Speaker A:My neck was long.
Speaker A:I was skinny.
Speaker A:People never believed that I used to be skinny.
Speaker A:The high that I used to be, I was very skinny.
Speaker A:Nobody believed me when I talked, like, not normal skinny.
Speaker C:Harry was like.
Speaker D:Harry was dry.
Speaker C:It was quite dry.
Speaker D:Because.
Speaker D:Because at tbc, his neck was still a bit long.
Speaker D:But I remember seeing pictures.
Speaker D:I'm not seeing pictures of the length in Covenant, and I'm like, yeah, like.
Speaker C:His shoes used to be quite long.
Speaker D:Kyree said, I'll bring my friends.
Speaker A:My shoes were long.
Speaker A:My pants were big.
Speaker A:We had to wear Covenant.
Speaker A:You had to wear, like, dress, like corporate attire to class.
Speaker A:My shirts were big.
Speaker A:My tie was huge.
Speaker A:It had those ties.
Speaker A:I had, like.
Speaker A:What was that guy in Revolt?
Speaker A:I had the fat tie.
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:I had.
Speaker A:I had a tie like that.
Speaker A:My pants were big.
Speaker A:It was the whole thing.
Speaker A:But I feel like I.
Speaker A:I still understand that, like, our lives have changed.
Speaker A:We've had, like, different journeys, and I'm super, very proud of y' all.
Speaker A:Foladele worked on Weekend, in case y' all don't know.
Speaker A:But if you look at the credits, you will see one and two.
Speaker C:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker C:There's two that is not yet out.
Speaker A:There's a two that's coming.
Speaker A:So you know it's based on the Broadway show the Part 1.
Speaker B:I know, I know, but I just haven't even watched one and I probably will not, so.
Speaker C:But watch.
Speaker B:I will watch, too.
Speaker B:I love you so much.
Speaker B:You know this.
Speaker D:You're fine.
Speaker D:When I release my own film, just watch.
Speaker D:I don't mind.
Speaker D:You don't have to watch Clyde next.
Speaker B:When really, it really got to me.
Speaker B:I can't say much on that.
Speaker B:It really got to me.
Speaker C:I have watched it on stage, though, and I enjoyed that.
Speaker C:So maybe that's why I wasn't even.
Speaker B:Better you went and watched on stage.
Speaker B:But you know what?
Speaker C:The one I feel like, well, she did it later.
Speaker C:She should have done it before.
Speaker C:No, no.
Speaker C:But.
Speaker C:But.
Speaker C:But I share to everyone, this is your issue.
Speaker B:It's Your problem.
Speaker B:Because, I mean, Harry, let's just carry on.
Speaker D:Don't let me.
Speaker C:I'm so sorry.
Speaker A:Song.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker D:I took.
Speaker D:I took.
Speaker D:Sorry.
Speaker D:Side.
Speaker D:I'm so sorry, Harry, but side.
Speaker D:But I took Sam with me to go and watch it and some friends.
Speaker D:It was next to me.
Speaker D:And of course, out of support, just the way you would have both been tortured.
Speaker D:And I was just like, oh, my gosh, they have to sing everything.
Speaker D:I'm like, it's a musical.
Speaker D:He's like, yeah, yeah.
Speaker D:But then.
Speaker D:And then they'll say something else.
Speaker D:And it could be Ariana about to respond.
Speaker D:Oh, my God, he almost left.
Speaker C:And they are both wonderful singers.
Speaker C:We really big voices, but, you know, we're holding space.
Speaker B:We're holding space.
Speaker A:I do love.
Speaker A:I do love a musical.
Speaker A:So y.
Speaker A:Easy.
Speaker A:The Musical.
Speaker A:S.C.
Speaker A:the Musical.
Speaker A:Slander.
Speaker A:I love me.
Speaker C:I love Greatest Showman, though.
Speaker C:So I would say I don't love musical, but my favorite film is a musical.
Speaker B:Sweeney Todd from Fleet Streets.
Speaker C:It's a horror musical.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:You really love Sweeney Todd.
Speaker A:From the first time I met a Sweeney Todd, Sweeny Todd.
Speaker A:So they said, apologies.
Speaker A:That's what you are.
Speaker B:Well, that's what I am.
Speaker B:So, I mean, I like musicals, but I don't know.
Speaker B:Let's move on.
Speaker C:There are musicals and.
Speaker B:Next question.
Speaker A:So, like I said, we've all done great things.
Speaker A:Shout out to everyone, you know, But I think I'm curious about knowing as mothers, as new mothers, what is something that people do not tell you?
Speaker A:What is this thing that, you know about motherhood that, you know, people didn't tell you that you wish they did?
Speaker C:Maybe I can go first.
Speaker C:Do you know what?
Speaker C:I find that question interesting because on one hand I'm like, what?
Speaker C:I feel like everything they told me, I don't think, honestly, I don't think there's.
Speaker C:So we all have very different experiences.
Speaker C:But so I will honestly say for me, I don't think there's anything they could have told me that would quite prepare me for the things I would go through.
Speaker C:Not because I don't know why, but, like, I was with my sister through her own pregnancy and she had quite a difficult pregnancy.
Speaker C:So I.
Speaker C:I so can't say, like, I didn't see the thing.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:I was with her at the early stages as well, because we were in the same house.
Speaker C:So I used to even sometimes sleep in the same room with Bandy, my nephew.
Speaker C:So through the crying, sometimes I would, you know, put him on my.
Speaker C:When he's crying in the night to Give high break.
Speaker C:So I can't say that I didn't know all these things.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:But I will say, and this is where we may differ.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:For me, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Speaker C:I'm going to be honest.
Speaker C:So if anything, that's why I'm like, it wasn't as bad as I heard it would be in some ways from me, probably.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:From Ajifad, a few others.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:That's the thing.
Speaker C:So sometimes, honestly I feel like sometimes maybe being over prepared helps because then you're like, oh, that's not.
Speaker C:Well, so maybe not labor.
Speaker C:I don't think you can ever be like labor in itself is quite, is quite the thing.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:I mean, it's pain.
Speaker C:How do you, you know, I mean, I guess you can mentally, well, leave that one.
Speaker C:But for the entire experience, pregnancy wasn't bad.
Speaker C:I think it just as much as you know that you're going to change, you don't quite know how the change will feel for you.
Speaker C:So that was the thing.
Speaker C:I knew that things would change, but I just didn't know what that, how that change, not how the change would feel like, like I.
Speaker C:But how I will feel about that change.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So that's just the parts that I wasn't prepared for.
Speaker C:And then how other people will react to the change.
Speaker C:Like how my husband, for example, reacted to change or how family.
Speaker C:So those kind of dynamics, I don't think you can necessarily, I mean, you can prepare by watching stuff and, you know, doing all the cancelling and what, what, what?
Speaker C:But y' all don't know how you're going to act when you're in certain situation.
Speaker C:You're not.
Speaker C:You don't know how you're going to act when you can't have sex for 1 billion years.
Speaker C:You don't know how you're going to, you know, you don't.
Speaker C:It's not.
Speaker C:These are a PG podcast.
Speaker B:What did you say?
Speaker D:That is bad.
Speaker C:Thank you.
Speaker C:I do not even say F U.
Speaker B:C K I don't, you know, going there like, you don't know how you're.
Speaker C:Going to feel when you don't feel like it.
Speaker C:You know, you don't know how you're going to feel when you don't feel sexy or, you know, not like I usually go around feeling sexy anyway, but you don't know how you're good.
Speaker C:Those kind of things.
Speaker C:Like you hear other people's experience, but sometimes you feel like, nah, I've got this.
Speaker C:Like, I understand.
Speaker C:So I'll Be better prepared.
Speaker C:And then you, you feel different.
Speaker C:Like not quite what they are feeling, but you're feeling your own kind of feeling.
Speaker C:So then you have the child and they tell you all the time, oh, they love the love.
Speaker C:But until you experience the love, you don't really know the love that they are talking about as well.
Speaker C:So you're like, I really, really love this child.
Speaker C:I don't know how to explain it.
Speaker C:I love this child.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:But then this child really is frustrating me sometimes.
Speaker C:You know, the strength that you have, like, it's amazing the things that I can do for the length of time that I can do it.
Speaker C:Like I recently, this week I stopped breastfeeding.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:No, last week.
Speaker C:And for the first time I slept all through the night and I was like, I, I just realized for two plus years I haven't slept for five hours at a stretch.
Speaker C:Like I just haven't.
Speaker C:And I have been fine.
Speaker C:Honestly speaking, I have thought I was fine until I did sleep for minimum of five hours uninterrupted.
Speaker C:And I'm like, I, that was the ghetto this is, you know.
Speaker C:But still I had the strength for that season and I didn't.
Speaker C:Like, I, I figured I was, I knew I was a strong person, but I now know that wow, like, oh, that is strength.
Speaker C:Like no matter how long the day has been, that girl doesn't want me to put her down.
Speaker C:So I'm carrying her on my back.
Speaker B:I'm walking around the house for hours.
Speaker C:Boo.
Speaker C:And I'm still going to put her down and.
Speaker C:Because she doesn't want that day as well.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker C:And then you go and sleep for like a few hours and in those few hours you'll be breastfeeding or mind you, you know, and then you will wake up to cook and I would be the, I would be fine.
Speaker C:I didn't know that I was that strong.
Speaker C:So that was something else.
Speaker C:So that it's, it's a mix of things, right?
Speaker C:And yeah, now I'm making hair.
Speaker C:People that, that's my.
Speaker A:Well, you're making hair.
Speaker C:Somebody else is known I like because I have a daughter, right.
Speaker C:So I actually have to care about hair before we're just living alabiba local life.
Speaker C:Wherever God gives us, we use.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker A:Interesting.
Speaker A:I don't know who I'm speaking to.
Speaker C:It's not great hair, boy's hair.
Speaker B:All the same.
Speaker C:We do ponytails, we do puff, puff.
Speaker C:Like we do the things.
Speaker D:I might have to, I might actually have to agree with Bumi on a lot of things.
Speaker D:I Don't think that.
Speaker D:I think I was prepared in terms of, like.
Speaker D:Because I've always been interested in kids, as in.
Speaker D:In terms of, like, liking to see kids, not necessarily of my own, but just, like, helping out.
Speaker D:So whether it's a friend or like an older auntie or something, like.
Speaker D:So kids have always been in my life since I.
Speaker D:So I've always been interested in them and helping out.
Speaker D:So I've always been able to change a diaper.
Speaker D:So I remember when my sister came, like, the day after I gave birth, I was like, just see me in go mode.
Speaker D:And she was like, oh, my gosh.
Speaker D:Like, this is so.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I mean, I don't know what.
Speaker D:I was expecting, but just to see you going and getting it done is just so.
Speaker D:I think because of just being exposed to that, you know, I.
Speaker D:I sort of knew a lot.
Speaker D:So I wouldn't say maybe there wasn't anything you told me about that because I think people are very open and honest about tough.
Speaker D:Raising a child is, I think, maybe more around, like, pity and leading up to having a child.
Speaker D:I would say maybe people don't talk about, like, that.
Speaker D:I remember when I.
Speaker D:So I had a miscarriage and then my.
Speaker A:I'm sorry about that.
Speaker A:You just read through that.
Speaker A:But I'm sorry.
Speaker D:I talked about it so many times.
Speaker D:And I mean, I'm grateful to be in a place where I can just.
Speaker D:Interesting that you said that.
Speaker D:Like, gloves over it now, because it definitely wasn't a glossy thing.
Speaker D:And my.
Speaker D:And I.
Speaker D:And we're talking about.
Speaker D:And she was just like, oh, yeah.
Speaker D:She went through it like, twice or three times again, glossed over it, as you said.
Speaker D:And I'm just like, wait, chill.
Speaker D:Like, can we sit on that or sit with that for a second?
Speaker D:Like, how did you not talk about it?
Speaker D:I think I remember my mom going through one loss because she tried to have a baby after me.
Speaker D:And I remember how just raw that grief was, like, coming back.
Speaker D:You know, you're looking in the car waiting to see baby in her hand because she traveled out to have the child, and then she's solo in the car.
Speaker D:And so, you know, I remember that being like a picture I can never get out of my head.
Speaker D:So I remember that.
Speaker D:But that there were other miscarriages.
Speaker D:Like, I know that.
Speaker D:And then, you know, you spoke to someone else, and they were like, oh, yeah.
Speaker D:I'm like, why are we not talking about this?
Speaker D:And so that was when I decided I was gonna post about that normally.
Speaker D:I mean, you guys know me.
Speaker D:I don't too deep on ig, like, personal stuff.
Speaker D:But I was just like, you know what?
Speaker D:I felt like I saw them to open up about it.
Speaker D:And then you started getting people searching like, oh, thanks for sharing that.
Speaker D:You know, and I always say that we go through these experiences to be able to share with others and uplift them when they're going through this.
Speaker D:Maybe the grief around and just.
Speaker D:It's just very wrong.
Speaker D:I think I'm glossing over just because I don't want to dip the mood of the pods.
Speaker D:But even like when you lose a child and then.
Speaker D:Or in this case, lose a fit and you then get pregnant maybe soon after and you're hoping that.
Speaker D:And you are going, you know, you won't.
Speaker D:I don't want to go too graphic.
Speaker D:But, yeah, you're just hoping that.
Speaker D:Yeah, it won't.
Speaker D:You get.
Speaker D:So.
Speaker D:I think people don't talk about loss.
Speaker D:People don't talk.
Speaker B:People don't.
Speaker D:People didn't prepare us enough for combos around loss to do it.
Speaker D:Like instant loss and stuff.
Speaker D:And also getting pregnant after and just the mental mess and the fear.
Speaker D:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker D:And I was pregnant in the winter.
Speaker D:I hate winter.
Speaker D:Just because it gets dark.
Speaker D:Like 4pm Bro.
Speaker C:It was drab.
Speaker D:I was fighting in prayer for my life.
Speaker D:Just got my mentor, you know, so it was a lot.
Speaker D:So I think I would say more around that.
Speaker D:But in terms of having a child off, I think I agree with women that it's been so seamless.
Speaker D:And I pray, I'm praying that it long continues.
Speaker C:You're going through days so we don't have to.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker D:Because Ajifa did prepare me for labor.
Speaker C:Oh, she did.
Speaker C:You know, people I've had around, honestly, I'm grateful for Ajifa because just like, for, like.
Speaker C:Because she was so honest and she is so honest about her experiences.
Speaker C:Every day prepares you.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:It prepares you.
Speaker C:Your breasts.
Speaker C:You drag it so you're not like, oh, taken by surprise.
Speaker C:Like, I got this.
Speaker C:I knew you were doing this.
Speaker C:So you can even prepare better mentally as well because.
Speaker C:Because someone has told you just what to expect.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And then when it doesn't get that bad, you're like, oh, I was very prepared.
Speaker C:Now I can handle this easy.
Speaker B:I think.
Speaker B:I think that that that was it for me.
Speaker B:I wish somebody.
Speaker B:So I think that that's another reason why I was honest with you guys and with anybody who asked me.
Speaker B:So I'm not on the Internet saying, oh, my God, it's so hard, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker B:But anybody who asks Me, because I don't want to also be a fear monger.
Speaker B:Like, there are people, I know that they sneezed and the baby came out.
Speaker B:Like, yeah, I know that they went through nine months and they were walking and jumping in heels.
Speaker B:There was no difference.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:But that wasn't my experience.
Speaker B:And so because I know that they're different, every, not two pregnancies are the same.
Speaker B:You know, I don't start spreading fear and tell everybody, oh, this will happen, this will happen.
Speaker B:But for the people who are close to me, the people who asked me, the people I knew were having babies, that that was the problem that I had is that it was like they said it was after I went through what I went through with my son.
Speaker B:And my mom was like, ah, I should have told you first boys.
Speaker B:It's, it's quite tough when their labor is tough.
Speaker B:And I was looking at my mom.
Speaker C:Like, this could have been information I.
Speaker B:Would have loved before.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker B:All I was hearing was that your body knows what to do into the whatever.
Speaker B:Just trust your body to blah, blah, blah.
Speaker B:Oh, Mom.
Speaker B:My body did not know what to do.
Speaker B:I was telling, I said, please just got me.
Speaker B:It's too late.
Speaker B:I said, it's not too late.
Speaker B:Pull him from the other side.
Speaker B:Losing my mind.
Speaker B:You know that by the time I, you guys know this story?
Speaker B:By the time Kenneth came out, I was passed out.
Speaker B:Like, they had to rub, like, my chest to make me, like, to bring me back.
Speaker C:Your son is here.
Speaker B:Put the child on me.
Speaker B:And I think when I heard him crying so close to my ears is when I woke up and I realized that, oh, it's over.
Speaker B:You know, I had given birth.
Speaker B:I hear my husband just saying, her lips are dry.
Speaker B:She's looking, she's looking white.
Speaker B:Let's do something.
Speaker B:Like, you know, I could hear that, but I had already seen my dad and I saw white.
Speaker B:I was like, okay, yeah, thank you.
Speaker B:You know, Yeah, I saw my, I saw my dad in the delivery room.
Speaker B:Like when I was like, yeah, I'm.
Speaker B:Yeah, I was sure.
Speaker B:Like, so.
Speaker D:Oh, just you should probably give context.
Speaker D:My dad is dead.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker D:Because I remember I realized the audience would be quite.
Speaker A:I was like, I was too SC the knowledge.
Speaker A:When you said you saw your dad, that was like.
Speaker A:I was like, so.
Speaker A:Wait, what?
Speaker B:Yeah, so.
Speaker B:So funny story, guys.
Speaker B:Today is 21 years that he passed away.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So, yeah, so that, that really was it for me.
Speaker B:And so I, I, I, a lot of things that I found out.
Speaker B:My mom told me that, ah, even when she Was in labor for her very first.
Speaker B:Apparently, when boys are your first, the labor is a little bit.
Speaker B:Is longer.
Speaker B:Like, the pregnancy is easier, but the labor is longer according to what my mom told me.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Even though it's not a pattern that works with everybody.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:But it's just what has happened with most people.
Speaker B:So if I had that information going in, I wouldn't have.
Speaker B:Like, I went to all these doula classes.
Speaker B:They say, put ice in your hand, release it, withstand the ice.
Speaker B:You know, I did all the exercises.
Speaker B:Like, I'm ready.
Speaker B:I'm gonna kick lever in the ass.
Speaker D:Like, I did gospel playlist.
Speaker B:Even if Lucifer came and brought the host of the other singers that he was using in heaven before he was brought down to the earth, even if they were singing, I would have not heard one single thing.
Speaker D:You get.
Speaker D:I said, off that music now.
Speaker B:I said, if you don't get.
Speaker D:If I don't get away from my.
Speaker B:Side, I'll dip it.
Speaker B:I know you now.
Speaker B:I'll give you a dentist slap.
Speaker B:Just leave my side.
Speaker B:So that's why I was very open with people that asked me.
Speaker B:So I feel like the thing I wasn't prepared for was the fact that, yes, it can go well, your body knows what to do, but it's still the most gruesome pain that you can ever experience.
Speaker B:It has a tendency to surprise you.
Speaker B:And another thing people didn't tell me, everybody said, oh, after your first trimester, I was sick till I was seven months.
Speaker B:I was bedridden till I was seven months.
Speaker B:I was getting drip every single day.
Speaker B:And I kept waiting for that.
Speaker B:My first trip has finished.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:So I should be relieved by now.
Speaker B:And it never came.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:So all these things, you know, there's some expectations that they're set.
Speaker B:Another thing I want to put out there is that, you know, and Bumi had easy experiences.
Speaker B:I didn't.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:But I want.
Speaker B:What it was, was that I don't want women to go away from this feeling.
Speaker B:Like, if mine wasn't easy, if it wasn't a breeze, wasn't.
Speaker B:I failed as a woman.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Nah.
Speaker B:There's a tendency to put a lot of pressure on ourselves as women.
Speaker C:And it's something you can be doing.
Speaker B:I should be doing.
Speaker B:Or even the way Bumi said, I didn't know I had this much strength.
Speaker B:Or when I gave birth to my baby, the love for a lot of.
Speaker C:Women, the love you might not have.
Speaker B:That a lot of women, it takes them months before they actually look.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker D:Some.
Speaker D:Some women talk about how, like, they're like, get this child away from me.
Speaker D:I don't want to see you.
Speaker D:And I.
Speaker D:Yes.
Speaker D:And I'm so.
Speaker D:Thank you so much for providing this balance, Ajifa.
Speaker D:And, and I'm so glad we're doing this and so important to be having discussion because just the way you don't want people to go away, like being fear ridden is the same way we don't want people to go, oh, you.
Speaker C:Know, maybe there's something wrong with me.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker D:Maybe that.
Speaker D:Exactly.
Speaker D:You know, because yes, it can be like very.
Speaker D:That the experience is different for everyone.
Speaker D:Even for me.
Speaker D:The things that have been easy for her.
Speaker C:For example, I didn't go, I didn't push my baby.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker C:They had to cut me.
Speaker C:And for most people, that's like, oh my God.
Speaker C:When I tell people, like, it's like the worst thing thin, I'm like, huh?
Speaker C:I didn't have to go through waffle daily.
Speaker B:I'm like, your vagina is the thing.
Speaker C:It's intact.
Speaker B:Unfortunately, I cannot say the same.
Speaker C:Good luck to Amara.
Speaker B:That's his problem now.
Speaker B:But.
Speaker D:But it's true.
Speaker D:Like even conversations around tears and stuff like that, like, I had a second degree tear.
Speaker D:I remember Ajifa had what I had.
Speaker B:Second, but my te was inside my cervix.
Speaker D:I remember.
Speaker D:So I remember my mind immediately went to Ajifa when they said I had the second degree because she had like fully prepared me.
Speaker D:I'm telling you.
Speaker D:So was just.
Speaker D:That was the one thing I didn't.
Speaker D:I didn't want to tell.
Speaker D:Cuz I'm just like, oh my gosh.
Speaker D:You know, you hear all these things.
Speaker D:And that's the thing as well.
Speaker D:The stories that you hear that, oh, that place will be forever.
Speaker B:But I'm good.
Speaker B:So, you know, this housing, it's been tested again.
Speaker B:Congrats in advance, dear.
Speaker B:Congrats in advance.
Speaker B:People will not be okay.
Speaker D:You will.
Speaker D:All I want to say.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:Is that, yeah, stories are different.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:And experiences are different.
Speaker D:But the strength comes and I guess, you know, you figure it out whether I had like six months after my wrists ever.
Speaker D:So, you know, six months after strange places.
Speaker B:I had a cyst in my, in my, in my cervix because of the way you guys know this for dd.
Speaker B:No, it's that it was bleeding and then he had to take it out because.
Speaker B:Because of the way it was sewn.
Speaker D:I don't remember.
Speaker A:I'm just very surprised about the stories that have been shared in on because I.
Speaker A:I feel like I kind of like Y' all, when I'm checking in with y' all, like, we're like, hi, Harry.
Speaker A:It's like, it's a very chill that I don't know if.
Speaker A:Because I'm a.
Speaker A:I'm a guy, like, maybe the deets are very important, but, like, it feels like, yes, you had, in general, your own different individual, varied experiences.
Speaker A:But there were things that happened through that process that, you know, I'm just like, damn, that really happened to y' all.
Speaker A:And, you know, it's like, yeah, I know this person.
Speaker A:Like, I've known.
Speaker A:Like, I know all three of y' all very intimately.
Speaker C:Very, intimately, very guys, like, mentally and emotionally.
Speaker A:Intimately, in a pathetic way.
Speaker A:I am not a heterosexual man, so please, let's get it.
Speaker A:But, yeah, just knowing that y' all had to experience that is very like, you know, I'm just like, whoa.
Speaker A:You know, it's something that I'm.
Speaker A:I have utmost pride.
Speaker A:I respect for y' all.
Speaker A:I think I'll just leave it at that.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I'm happy that you like just even going deep.
Speaker A:I like sharing.
Speaker A:I feel like now that you are on the other side and you are here, you all are working, you're doing your things, your.
Speaker A:Your family, your wife, you're a mother, you're.
Speaker A:You're working.
Speaker A:How has that changed the perspective of who you are or how you look at yourself now?
Speaker A:I know, but me kind of died.
Speaker A:Went into it a little bit.
Speaker A:But, like, looking at you now.
Speaker A:I'm looking at you in.
Speaker A:Where was your child?
Speaker A:I think it was.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Looking at you now.
Speaker A: Looking at you in March: Speaker B:Little different.
Speaker A:You know, in our fine native.
Speaker A:What has changed since then?
Speaker A:How do you.
Speaker A:In yourself, Basically, it's changed.
Speaker B:I think, first of all, like, Philadelphia said, my vagina.
Speaker B:Well, it has a little bit of a.
Speaker B:Of a bump now, but it's okay.
Speaker C:It's beautiful.
Speaker C:A beautiful.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:And I mean, I saw it.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she did.
Speaker A:Like, that's interesting information.
Speaker D:Okay.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:But what has changed?
Speaker B:I think.
Speaker B:I think my ability to adapt, I think.
Speaker B:I think before, it was more that.
Speaker B:It was more, oh, if I don't like it, I change it.
Speaker B:If I don't.
Speaker B:Like, if I'm.
Speaker B:If I.
Speaker B:You know, when we're younger, it was like, both me and I, we walked up to the office one.
Speaker B:We just made the decision day before, wrote our letters.
Speaker B:Yeah, we're done with this place.
Speaker B:We was like, right, guys, we look at each other like we need to get out of here.
Speaker B:And we wrote our letters, we left the next day like it wasn't, it's really like, oh, why?
Speaker C:If we increase your salary?
Speaker B:Nah, we're done three years or two months or whatever, right?
Speaker B:And then also even with, and then leaving TVC and then all the jobs I've done after, not just jobs like places I've lived, like, I just, I just moved when I, when it's not serving me anymore, I move like, you know, that was my things that, you know, outside for nonsense and all of that.
Speaker B:But I think it's more, I'm able to adapt now.
Speaker B:I'm more resilient as a person.
Speaker B:I think that's one thing that has changed is I, I, I see that I'm trying to put this in the, the best of words, but I realize that I'm actually stronger than I thought I was.
Speaker B:Like, so I, I, I've always been a strong person.
Speaker B:You guys know my history.
Speaker B:Coming from, you know, a background of like rape and abuse and all of that, right?
Speaker B:And then coming to be the person that I am today, it took a lot of strength to go through all of that and, and come out on the other side.
Speaker B:And I thought I was like, wow, I'm a strong lady.
Speaker B:But I am now here in Canada.
Speaker B:Friends I have are like, I mean, you guys can remember, you guys know very well how we were in Nigeria, how we had that community surrounding us and that was, helped us thrive.
Speaker B:So coming here and just having limited to no support.
Speaker B:My husband isn't here.
Speaker B:He's based predominantly in Nigeria.
Speaker B:So it's that cycle of, oh, I wake up and I am somebody else's.
Speaker B:My, my life revolves around somebody else now.
Speaker B:And it's, it takes a lot of strength to be able to go through that and still be able to chase your career, chase your dreams.
Speaker B:I want to achieve more for yourself, like Fula Dele said, and still show up joyful, like Bumi said.
Speaker B:Yeah, because, because to be honest, there are many times I don't feel joyful, but I show up joyful.
Speaker B:Like Bumi said.
Speaker B:I went back to school after 13 years and you guys know adult education is not a joke.
Speaker B:I wish I did school earlier and.
Speaker A:You had a kid while you were at school.
Speaker B:On the other.
Speaker C:She had to take him to classes.
Speaker B:Sometimes for presentations, like project presentations.
Speaker B:I wrote an exam with him on my back, you know, because he was ill.
Speaker B:And as you know, when children are sick, their fathers don't exist, you know.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's true.
Speaker B:They don't care that they, they have.
Speaker B:There was another person that was involved in the making process.
Speaker B:It's just their mothers that they're clung to or that they cling to or that they want to take care of them and hold them.
Speaker B:I don't know what it is, Right.
Speaker B:So I've had to take an exam with, with kennel on my back.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So it's.
Speaker B:I didn't realize that it was a life that I could live like to be this strong and be able to do everything.
Speaker B:I show up every single day.
Speaker B:You know, I think that that's, that's really what has changed.
Speaker B:So right now I think it's going to be really hard to like, of course you still have, you know, sometimes I struggle with your esteem or struggle with your, you know, your, your outlook of yourself, especially because a lot of us are overthinkers.
Speaker B:The minute you come a mother, I think even you have, you know, imposter syndrome or whatever.
Speaker B:But I think that's, that's what has changed is, is that, you know, I, I have been through the fire and I came out on the other side.
Speaker D:Respect.
Speaker D:Respect.
Speaker D:I love, I love the layer that you're adding to the condition as well.
Speaker D:Because Boomi and I talked earlier about how maybe like raising our daughters hasn't been as tough as we had heard or, like thought it would be.
Speaker D:But we can only say that because.
Speaker C:We have, I was just gonna say.
Speaker D:Physically present, whether physically or figuratively or whatever, or whether literally or figuratively partners, but also hands on partners.
Speaker D:Whereas for you it's like maybe, maybe we won't be girl.
Speaker C:I will not be saying exactly.
Speaker B:I'm just trying to think about time.
Speaker B:One weekend away from her husband and she called me.
Speaker B:She's like, ajifa, my God.
Speaker D:Exactly.
Speaker D:So honestly, respect, respect.
Speaker D:I don't know how you've done it for as long as you've done it, but just even the layer of like being in a long distance marriage, that's one convo then being in a long distance marriage, raising your child is like another thing entirely.
Speaker B:I have to say, though, it also helps when, even though your partner is not there physically, because I had to give it to Amara, like, Amara is my husband.
Speaker B:I think while introducing her husbands, like I have due to Amar.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker B:Like, regardless of the fact that he's not here, he's a huge support.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And so it also, it, you know, let me tell you, man, if you want women to fly, if you want them to see them spread their wings, you just have to be Solid.
Speaker D:I'm sorry, I think I'm gonna say.
Speaker B:So what was she going to say?
Speaker D:Which still applies because it's usually said, like, if you want a woman to open her legs, like, just be like, I literally thought you were like, I'm.
Speaker C:So sorry, because you can't let me not lie.
Speaker B:I thought so.
Speaker B:I thought so as well.
Speaker C:But then she said.
Speaker B:In fact, for both, the guy needs to be solid for both, because we need to feel.
Speaker D:Safe and secure and like, this needs.
Speaker B:To be solid for both than just having money and not just regretfully, but physically solid.
Speaker B:But what.
Speaker B:What I'm saying is also helps, you know, it also helps having, you know, that solid person, like a pillar of strength.
Speaker B:Anytime you fall, you feel like, you know what, somebody's going to pick me up, whether they're there or not.
Speaker B:So I think that that, too, has.
Speaker B:Has really helped me.
Speaker D:Harry.
Speaker B:You know, the problem is that you put three of us on this podcast, you're probably not going to get to half of the questions you have put.
Speaker C:Yeah, I was like, just this question 3.
Speaker A:I was looking at my questions.
Speaker A:I was like, but you know what?
Speaker A:I feel like, yes.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker C:I will add, though, to the question just to.
Speaker C:So I won't repeat all everything Ajifa said, but for me, it was more trying to redefine what I thought my purpose was or what I thought success was for me or what my ambition would look like and how that would go.
Speaker C:So I think that was maybe the toughest thing that I had to come to terms with and redefine for myself in sense that.
Speaker C:So we having kids, taking a step back from, like, work, that had been my identity for the longest.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:Like, oh, work.
Speaker C:You know, I had, like, a good position at some point.
Speaker C:Then I moved and had to not quite start again, but almost start again.
Speaker C:So I was already struggling with that and getting pregnant and having a child and having to take time away from work.
Speaker C:And you're like, oh, my God, I could be here by now.
Speaker C:Or all those things that you have in your head about where you want to be and how you turn up, like, oh, now I'm the person who is having to take some time off sometimes because my child needs something and I'm.
Speaker C:And not that I judged.
Speaker C:I really didn't.
Speaker C:I was empathetic with women that had to do that.
Speaker C:But I think there was a part of me that didn't think I would be that.
Speaker C:You know, like, I don't know how to explain it, but it's weird.
Speaker C:Like, honestly, I'M just going to be open and say maybe I saw that as a weakness.
Speaker C:And I'm like, wow, what did.
Speaker B:I didn't like, oh my God, you.
Speaker C:Know, that is so silly.
Speaker C:And my.
Speaker C:It wasn't for them, it was a weakness for me to be that and having to accept that, that doesn't make sense.
Speaker C:Like that doesn't make you less of a strong woman.
Speaker C:What is even that?
Speaker C:What does that mean?
Speaker C:You know, that like I really had to accept and come to terms with.
Speaker C:Sometimes I will be having meetings and you hear her in the background and that is just my life because where am I going to put her if she can't be in daycare for some reason?
Speaker C:And even though there's help around, you know, if you can get someone to come around, it's still an apartment.
Speaker C:And her voice is quite loud, you know, so things happen.
Speaker C:And just having to deal with what that life is and accepting that it's okay to be a mother, to be defined as that as well as so many other things and not see that as a weakness or settling.
Speaker C:So that for me was, I would say, the biggest struggle.
Speaker C:Everything else was not bad.
Speaker C:You know, like Ajifa mentioned, I.
Speaker C:I have someone who is very supportive, who's very hands on as well.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So even with all the night times and stuff, at least I know that in the morning someone is there who would.
Speaker C:Who can take, you know, the load off or I can have a good bath because there's someone who is not little things like that or go shopping or even handle all the cooking because you know, someone else has taken tiara.
Speaker C:So there's very good distribution of labor.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:But it's, it's what I thought my life would look like at this time.
Speaker C:And I was mostly focused on career and like goals.
Speaker C:You know, when I was dreaming that life, I didn't really think about motherhood, to be honest.
Speaker C:You know, Foladella and I've had that conversation a long time.
Speaker C:I know for the longest I was.
Speaker B:Like, I don't know if I want to have kids to be on.
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker C:I don't know if that's my life.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And then it happened.
Speaker C:It wasn't even planned, mind you.
Speaker C:We were, we tried, we thought, we're careful.
Speaker B:First of all, what did you think was going to happen?
Speaker C:Yeah, when you have a sex children out there.
Speaker C:But yeah, but it wasn't planned and guys, we've been having it.
Speaker C:It was fine.
Speaker C:We didn't know this one time.
Speaker C:It's all right.
Speaker B:Not for me being the one that's talking about sexual.
Speaker B:This podcast.
Speaker B:Like, do you guys.
Speaker B:You guys see, first of all, that's what has changed.
Speaker B:The sex positivity.
Speaker C:Is like, yeah, I.
Speaker B:Was in the hospital where, like, 20 people.
Speaker C:I had my legs open.
Speaker C:Like, what am I hiding again?
Speaker B:All the styles.
Speaker B:People talk about kissing.
Speaker C:I still forward, though, when I watch movies.
Speaker C:Let me just.
Speaker C:I still forward all that.
Speaker C:I don't need to see other people doing.
Speaker A:Why do you follow?
Speaker C:It's just doing.
Speaker B:Why are you watching the film?
Speaker A:Was it at your Bachelor?
Speaker A:Was it at your Bachelorette?
Speaker A:Because we had.
Speaker A:We had a coed for you, right?
Speaker A:It was.
Speaker A:It was me.
Speaker A:It was.
Speaker A:It was me.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:I don't know if it was your party or it was your actual wedding where y' all were just tonguing each other down really deeply.
Speaker C:No, it would be the.
Speaker C:I think it's the wedding.
Speaker C:I don't think wedding.
Speaker A:I was like, what is going.
Speaker A:I was like, what is happening?
Speaker A:Is this my Christian friend?
Speaker A:What's going on?
Speaker D:Harry, don't kill me.
Speaker D:He said you were talking each other down deeply.
Speaker C:Harry's exaggerating, guys.
Speaker B:His life exaggerating.
Speaker A:I think I was right there.
Speaker A:I just was right there.
Speaker B:Video of Boomi saying, I'm going, please, I have to go and knock.
Speaker B:I can never forget.
Speaker B:Oh, my God.
Speaker A:I remember that video.
Speaker A:I remember that video.
Speaker A:We have the evidence.
Speaker A:We have the evidence.
Speaker C:In my defense, guys, I waited a really long time.
Speaker A:But I think that I really.
Speaker A:I'm really just happy to hear how, yes, so many changes have happened, but.
Speaker A:But I'm still very proud of where y' all are at, which is really where I wanted to talk to y' all on this podcast.
Speaker A:Very proud of where you are at as, you know, working people, as parents, and I know that we could do a better job communicating, but I feel like there is no love lost.
Speaker A:You know, we still.
Speaker A:I guess that we have a group chat.
Speaker A:So no love lost.
Speaker A:And I'm just really, really happy.
Speaker A:And I wonder sometimes, like, do y' all ever miss being on TV like that?
Speaker A:Our.
Speaker A:Our 20s, when we were on TV, I thought we were going to be.
Speaker A:I thought I was going to be, like, the Nigerian Ryan Seacrest, you know, everybody, you know, like, this time.
Speaker D:Harry.
Speaker D:Harry held on to that dream.
Speaker D:Harry and I always talked about walking at E.
Speaker D:Like.
Speaker A:You know.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Always trying to see morning.
Speaker C:I was.
Speaker C:I listened to something recently, and they talked about how, like, it's okay to mourn your dreams or the dreams that you had.
Speaker C:And you know, and it's okay to dream again.
Speaker C:Like have new dreams, right?
Speaker C:Because we feel like, oh my God, I lost that.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:I was going to say so it was a poverty job.
Speaker B:I'm sorry.
Speaker B:I was on tv.
Speaker B:People love me.
Speaker B:But I wasn't.
Speaker B:I don't a chop.
Speaker B:I enter bus and then come out.
Speaker A:I entered boss.
Speaker A:Remember we entered boss.
Speaker B:We entered boss.
Speaker C:I'll be there with fish sellers and coins.
Speaker C:I'll come out.
Speaker B:I'm like, oh, do you have perfume out there?
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker D:Harry came back to the office one day.
Speaker D:He was like, like you guys on the bus.
Speaker D:They're like.
Speaker B:First of all, we just have to state that could never relate.
Speaker B:She was a rich.
Speaker B:Sorry guys driving from the beginning.
Speaker A:But also, but also like I'll be on the bus and they'll be like, hey, is this Harry from.
Speaker A:Are you Harry from tvc?
Speaker A:And I guess for folks who are watching are watching let's say because I know that there are folks that have like I have a new community in the US now and you'll have community in.
Speaker A:In Canada and in the uk.
Speaker A:I think that was just the bus, right?
Speaker C:It's not just the bus.
Speaker A:The bus in the bus in America and in the UK and in Canada and in Europe.
Speaker A:That bus.
Speaker A:That's a different.
Speaker A:But that's a different bus transfer system that I can take today.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:But that bus in Nigeria that I would find that boss.
Speaker A:You don't want to be caught there in our boss.
Speaker C:Sometimes they don't.
Speaker C:The seats do not have any padding.
Speaker C:So you're sitting on the metal sometimes.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Actually no seats.
Speaker C:Or you're sitting on, you know that party front where the.
Speaker C:I don't know what that part of the car is that gets hot.
Speaker B:Then you be adjusted because your pop up is on top of that.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker D:Also, also for context.
Speaker D:Go on, go on, Harry.
Speaker A:One time I was on tournament land bridge coming to work in the morning because I lived in Ibute Meta at the time.
Speaker A:I will go through Tony Bellam bridge to get to the office.
Speaker A:The bus.
Speaker A:The tire rolled off the bus on tourney land bridge.
Speaker C:That was steady for me.
Speaker C:Steady.
Speaker A:And then the next one I was hearing Jesus, Jesus, man of God.
Speaker A:I was like, this is what I was just like this is how I'm going to go.
Speaker A:You know, I lived a good life.
Speaker C:And to die by my journey used to be so dumb on third mainland and guys I used to have a very low.
Speaker C:Because I lived really far from the office.
Speaker B:So I was always.
Speaker C:So I was always getting Home late midnight.
Speaker C:So imagine and this was constant.
Speaker C:We would.
Speaker C:And because they're trying to avoid traffic they will enter places they don't know.
Speaker C:The boss will not break down all of us Israelite journey will not be working looking for at midnight.
Speaker C:We don't know where we are.
Speaker C:We'll just be asking people please, where's the way to do you just want to reach the highway Express and hopefully.
Speaker B:My parents be corny.
Speaker B:I don't know they say acts around I don't.
Speaker C:I'm following people that they hopefully they are not trying to.
Speaker C:They are not kidnapping me, taking me to my death.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And it's crazy because we are.
Speaker A:We will all be on tv.
Speaker A:All of us.
Speaker A:How do you show us.
Speaker D:I was about to say.
Speaker D:I was about to say for context for the international audience like Nigeria is also a society that is very like about the optics and about how things look.
Speaker D:So you can imagine that like as you guys have said, like bus and public transport system is associated with.
Speaker A:Bro.
Speaker B:I need to tell you that my show was the most watched.
Speaker B:It was, it was.
Speaker D:It was.
Speaker D:This was the show that Harry would then come onto and I would then come on to.
Speaker B:I was doing that show before I left and Harry started doing that same show you also started doing.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker B:But our show was in Nothing less than 2 million homes every day.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:I was not as popular as they were because I just.
Speaker C:I was a producer so I was always behind the camera.
Speaker C:Once in a while I'll on.
Speaker C:So I didn't really have a problem with saying so you could get away.
Speaker B:With the boss with me.
Speaker C:Girl, they would have kidnapped me.
Speaker B:But the places they were fighting me, I needed to put the said it give you the detail and the facts.
Speaker B:Like it got to a point where that show was so popular that every brand wanted to come on that show to the point where I hardly spoke because I needed to cut to commercial every two seconds.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So much so that.
Speaker B:But even when.
Speaker B:Even, even.
Speaker B:What's the time when Buhari and Jonathan were getting back.
Speaker B:Jonathan, who is and who is a.
Speaker B:An opposing.
Speaker B:In an opposing party to Buhari, who is actually our boss's friend put his advice.
Speaker A:Our boss's friend is a good way to describe it.
Speaker B:Our boss's friend put his.
Speaker B:You know, I just.
Speaker B:I'm done managing my life.
Speaker B:So let me just explain it that way.
Speaker B:Put his advertisement on that show.
Speaker B:Like it's like taking.
Speaker B:It's like.
Speaker B:It's like.
Speaker C:It's like CNN advertising Trump or something like that.
Speaker B:Forget about that.
Speaker B:It's like Trump advertising on Kamala's daughters the other way.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So it was that bad.
Speaker B:Like, that show was that popular.
Speaker B:So I was either losing money because I needed to settle everybody on divorce or pay for all their.
Speaker B:All their car because everybody thought I was just trying to be humble and be a part of the people.
Speaker B:But I.
Speaker B:I have some money stuck somewhere because I'll let you on tv.
Speaker B:I'm just trying to be, you know, a woman of the people.
Speaker C:Love that girl.
Speaker C:She still enters.
Speaker B:She's still grounded.
Speaker B:She loves staying grounded.
Speaker B:So, yeah, I would either lose money paying for everybody or I would settle people on the road there.
Speaker B:People call area boys, which are, in other words, stuck, who stay around the road and chill.
Speaker B:So chill those ones hoping for a quick buck.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker A:Yeah, I did that all the time when I lived in Ketu.
Speaker C:All the time was the ghetto or.
Speaker B:You know, I either come to the office looking like, you know, I.
Speaker B:You know, I.
Speaker B:Plastic surgery and I'm recovering because I will wrap my face like a mommy.
Speaker C:I'll wrap my face to hide the identity.
Speaker B:So I would say I miss.
Speaker B:I miss the outlet that he gave us.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Even though we were not really.
Speaker B:We didn't really have freedom of speech.
Speaker B:What was that?
Speaker B:We.
Speaker B:We were able to express ourselves and.
Speaker C:We had good times and just.
Speaker C:Yeah, I remember egg roll.
Speaker B:No, Working with you guys.
Speaker D:A flashback to working with you guys.
Speaker D:Working with you guys and then the.
Speaker B:Set that I would work with after.
Speaker D:So, like, Harry, O.J.
Speaker D:like, the second.
Speaker D:The next gang after you guys left because I then had to find my new tribe after you guys left.
Speaker D:But, like.
Speaker D:Like, I flashback CBC a lot, and it almost feels like it's.
Speaker D:It's the way Bumi talks about, like, dreaming new dreams.
Speaker B:It almost feels like I can't let.
Speaker D:Go of that memory because I haven't been able to almost, like, refine that.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker D:Like, work tribe.
Speaker B:Like, it's.
Speaker D:So there's something needs to be said.
Speaker D:There's something that needs to be said about, like, finding a beautiful work family.
Speaker D:Like, I look forward to going to work every day.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:So that's something to be said for sure.
Speaker A:But to be fair.
Speaker B:Coming to work with you guys.
Speaker C:Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:I feel like it made it better.
Speaker A:It made it fun.
Speaker A:I want to think about.
Speaker B:Just an update.
Speaker B:My life looked up.
Speaker B:I started driving to the offices, you.
Speaker A:Know, and I think that we could also have, like, we had our moments where we had tension, but we were able to see through the, you know.
Speaker A:You know, we actually, we actually didn't have any issues as.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Adults per se.
Speaker A:Yeah, we didn't have any issues.
Speaker B:We had issues, but I had an issue once because of Beyonce.
Speaker B:But.
Speaker C:Breaking up relationships.
Speaker B:It wasn't a major issue.
Speaker B:It lasted all of like three, four days.
Speaker B:But there was a principality who we all knew that used to cause Harry to lose his absolute.
Speaker B:That was when we used to have all those issues.
Speaker B:Person will not be mentioned.
Speaker B:They know themselves.
Speaker B:I think that that was.
Speaker D:You are problematic.
Speaker B:That was the only thing that really rocked our friendship, you know, and if you ask, to be honest, Bumi and I till today don't really know the root cause of that problem.
Speaker B:But we're like real friends, Jonathan.
Speaker B:Like, and I think we are still.
Speaker B:And that's why it's so organic.
Speaker B:Even though we don't talk every week, even though I talk to Bumi almost every day, they all are like 20.
Speaker A:Minutes from each other.
Speaker B:So yeah, it's 20 minutes from me.
Speaker C:Because she refuses to see me as often as I want to see her.
Speaker B:First of all, Bumi, it's.
Speaker B:I'm doing this single parent life.
Speaker B:I'm not like, should we go?
Speaker B:Should we take the children around 8:00am like please, please.
Speaker B:I barely survive the night.
Speaker D:Just B's privilege is speaking.
Speaker B:As in the privilege is just annoying.
Speaker B:Want to go out at 8:10 she call me.
Speaker B:Oh, we're taking a walk to the library at 10.
Speaker B:Meanwhile I've already started work cuz she starts work at 12.
Speaker B:I'm in the office at 8:30.
Speaker B:So I'm just looking at like what.
Speaker A:Is going on here?
Speaker B:Yeah, stop by your house real quick, girl.
Speaker B:I'm in the office like you know, so it's.
Speaker B:So it's.
Speaker B:The thing about adult relationships is that it's really hard to, to you know, align your schedules.
Speaker B:I mean, talk about this call.
Speaker B:Guys, remember how long it took us to agree to find the time we would not give?
Speaker D:Harry said, yeah, guys.
Speaker D:So I loved.
Speaker D:I just, I was like, no, I will.
Speaker D:I like it's bedtime now.
Speaker D:But I was like, I will move mountains just to make it like he has stayed.
Speaker A:I was like.
Speaker C:Yeah, he did that.
Speaker C:He literally just put.
Speaker B:And I said, okay, you know what?
Speaker B:I don't want to be squared.
Speaker C:I shall be there.
Speaker A:You know, but like I, I know we're gonna try wrapping up now because like for Lala said, it's bedtime and everything and I want you all to, you know, go back to things you were doing.
Speaker A:But like, how is it making is in the uk.
Speaker C:So that's why it's better.
Speaker A:Yeah, all of us were at the same time.
Speaker A:So Paladela is in the.
Speaker A:It's still very after daylight here.
Speaker A:But I wanted to ask, how has it been.
Speaker A:How has it been forming new community now that we are all in different cities?
Speaker A:What is that looking like for y' all?
Speaker D:This one, I like.
Speaker D:This is a really good question, especially.
Speaker A:As y' all are also.
Speaker C:I think only for La delay has the good stock, my dear.
Speaker D:Yeah, yeah, this.
Speaker D:This is a really good.
Speaker B:Question.
Speaker D:Rather.
Speaker D:So for me, I think I got.
Speaker D:I was a bit skeptical.
Speaker D:I mean, I'm very like pro.
Speaker D:Niger.
Speaker D:Like I would.
Speaker D:I can't wait to be able to move back.
Speaker D:Like, hopefully, you know, things settle and all that.
Speaker D:But I loved.
Speaker D:I wasn't like jumping to leave.
Speaker D:I only left because my husband wanted to come study, do his masters here.
Speaker D:And so we just decided, okay, there's a whole scheme on like routes to being able to get passport or like Livia or whatever.
Speaker D:So we decided to stay.
Speaker D:It just made sense.
Speaker D:But I wasn't ready to leave Nigeria at the time, even though I had left TBC at this time.
Speaker D:But so I was skeptical or like reluctant, I guess is the word of moving here because I was just like, oh my gosh.
Speaker D:I mean, I had gone to uni here, but I decided not to stay at the time.
Speaker D:So I had my tribe from that time, but everybody had moved to different parts of the world.
Speaker D:So I'm just like, what will it be like?
Speaker D:So.
Speaker D:But we also moved at a time where everyone was sort of jack buying.
Speaker D:So maybe, I guess I also thought, okay, maybe it will be okay.
Speaker D:But I was just a bit.
Speaker D:So I would say that obviously my sister is here and then I have a lot of friends thanks to Jackpot, which is, sorry for context, for like your international audience.
Speaker D:It's just the relocation, the.
Speaker D:The mass relocation that has happened.
Speaker D:You know, a lot of.
Speaker D:A lot of really solid talents and solid people in Nigeria are leaving just because our government is.
Speaker D:Government has been forever.
Speaker D:And so people are leaving to find opportunities anyway.
Speaker D:So I know a lot of people who had done that.
Speaker D:So I was like, okay.
Speaker B:I knew there would be that familiar.
Speaker D:Thing of like finding those people, but I think just starting over, I was just like.
Speaker D:But for me, work community has probably been the toughest one because my relocation story was a bit challenging in terms of like, imagine you've gotten to like senior producer level where you're coming from, and you were a presenter, you Know the show that Achifa was talking about was the show that I would then go on to inherit and so the fan base was solid and you'd be going on the street.
Speaker D:You were basically a mini celebrity in your side of town.
Speaker D:And so now come here and I'm struggling with like 21 year olds and 23 year olds to get into the industry and yeah, so, so I then that then meant like finding a tribe of like people of color, people from different backgrounds because those are.
Speaker D:There are a lot of support groups here where you can find opportunities in those ways.
Speaker D:So it took a lot of just like humbling myself, starting afresh knowing that.
Speaker B:I decided to move here.
Speaker C:I have to start over.
Speaker D:So I would say in terms of life like my tribe it was easy to maybe adjust because there were people already here but in terms of like finding my feet work wise and finding that community and that tribe I think that's more where I would be able to answer that question from and that it was challenging.
Speaker D:But we thank God, I mean we can't happen and things are happening so.
Speaker A:We give God, we give God the glory.
Speaker A:You want to talk about how finding how community has been for y' all?
Speaker A:Building and finding community.
Speaker B:I was going to let you.
Speaker C:I'll keep it very brief.
Speaker C:You know I don't talk a lot for me, wow guys, you just broke my heart.
Speaker C:Anyway, for me guys it.
Speaker C:Do you know what, it's been tough.
Speaker C:I'm going to be honest because I don't think I've ever had to reevaluate what kind of person I am in terms of like friendship or the kind of friends you know I just always had people like in Nigeria or had family.
Speaker C:So even if I didn't like have friends around at the time because kind of like for ladily I did have, have a few friends that even if they didn't Japan like out of the country they moved states and then I would be in another states all the time where I didn't really know people but I had family right.
Speaker C:So I always had people.
Speaker C:And then moving out of that I just, it was work wasn't quite a problem fortunately but then I worked remotely.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker C:Yeah, you have good relationships on the laptop but it doesn't translate to.
Speaker C:And I want to go out, I want to like, like go out with friends.
Speaker C:That's why I'm always working at Jifa's life but she doesn't have my time right.
Speaker C:So I want to go out, I want to hang out, I want like I Didn't have to search for that.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And I'm relatively a friendly person, so I'll meet someone and we'll have good bands, especially in like, these countries that we're in.
Speaker C:And you just think, oh, my God, I made a friend for life.
Speaker C:And tomorrow, coffee, nobody's available.
Speaker C:And two months later, I said, boy, we just live like down the road.
Speaker C:I didn't really understand these things.
Speaker C:We'll say hi.
Speaker C:And I thought, you know, we connected.
Speaker C:We are going to be besties and we just can't.
Speaker C:So I'm gonna be honest.
Speaker C:For a while I wondered if I had a problem.
Speaker C:Like, maybe I just wasn't the kind of person people wanted to make friends with.
Speaker C:Like, Ajifa has a community, not a differ.
Speaker C:You at least you can call.
Speaker C:Like, you can throw a party and then tell people.
Speaker D:Finds the tribe everywhere she goes.
Speaker C:Yeah, she's Ajifa is that kind of person.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:So let me tell you something.
Speaker B:For me, you went to Tomo beach or one of all those schools, right?
Speaker B:So, like, like when you.
Speaker B:So nobody exists in my.
Speaker D:Room.
Speaker B:My tribe is because of the schools I went to.
Speaker B:Not really, because.
Speaker C:I don't even know anybody in my entire.
Speaker D:Behalf.
Speaker C:It's all right.
Speaker C:So I.
Speaker C:I struggled because I just, like, I had my core family.
Speaker C:Amazing Love my child, love my husband.
Speaker C:But I've always had more.
Speaker C:And I just didn't understand that every day these are the only people I'm going out with, hanging out with.
Speaker C:God, I need more.
Speaker C:So that's something I'd.
Speaker C:I had to just come to terms with that.
Speaker C:Okay, you know what?
Speaker C:You have to just re.
Speaker C:Evaluate things, you know, and it's not you, it's.
Speaker C:And maybe it's you.
Speaker C:Maybe you have to find out, you know, so just having.
Speaker C:Thinking through that process, and now I've let go and I am finding.
Speaker C:So sometimes also just let go and let things happen.
Speaker C:And small, small I want to.
Speaker C:At least now there's one person I can call outside at GFA to say, you know, should we go for a walk or what?
Speaker C:What?
Speaker C:What?
Speaker C:And hopefully in time.
Speaker B:Who is that?
Speaker B:My latest friend I really like.
Speaker B:First of all, Harry, let me.
Speaker B:Let me.
Speaker B:Let me put this thing in context for you guys.
Speaker B:Let me tell you, first of all, the reason why I feel like a lot of people struggle with finding a tribe here or whatever.
Speaker B:People really think that that's this tribe I'm talking about.
Speaker B:Like, for example, I went out with.
Speaker C:Them on Mother's Day.
Speaker B:Mother's Day.
Speaker B:The last time I saw Them was February.
Speaker B:Like, I'm just trying to tell you that it's not like I said.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:I see these people all the time.
Speaker B:The only thing is that my sister lives three minutes from me.
Speaker B:Like I live in chosen from here and it would land in her house.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So here's the truth now.
Speaker B:So really and truly, that's my only tribe per se, that I say is consistent.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:Apart from Bumi.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Because Bumi and I.
Speaker B:Bumi, I.
Speaker B:I can stop by her house on my way to work or coming back or like I take my laptop and work from my house a couple of times.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And she has done the same, come to work, work from my house.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Once or twice.
Speaker B:But my thing is that why it seems that way for Bumi is because you also need to understand living in these countries, when we're back in Nigeria, we had people who were taking care of things that we are taking care of now, which freedoms up a lot more to be able to socialize and have time for our social lives and cultivate our friendships, our tribe, our communities.
Speaker B:Because you weren't like, for example, me, I am the nanny.
Speaker B:I am the driver.
Speaker B:I am the electrician.
Speaker B:I am the cook.
Speaker B:I am the mechanic.
Speaker B:I am the.
Speaker B:Do you get what I'm saying?
Speaker B:I'm a carpenter.
Speaker B:Sometimes, like, I'm into upholstery.
Speaker B:It depends on whatever the need is per day.
Speaker B:Bear in mind, there is a living, breathing toddler who I am in.
Speaker B:Who I am responsible for every single day.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And so it's.
Speaker B:It is tough in this part of the world to be able to have.
Speaker B:And I'm sure, Boomi, you've seen that it's not just even me, even your other friends in Canada like that you have like them Jamachi and all that, like, they just had a new baby and all of those kinds of things.
Speaker B:It's tough.
Speaker B:It's really, really hard to, you know, be so spent.
Speaker B:So every time I'm able to hang out with somebody, it's a huge sacrifice for me.
Speaker B:The sacrifice either maybe I'm losing a lot of money or I am literally in agony.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I'm literally in agony because I haven't slept.
Speaker B:For example, you guys are talking about Boomi Step.
Speaker B:She stepped five hours since I think it's going almost three years now.
Speaker B:I haven't slept more than two hours.
Speaker B:Two hours uninterrupted sleep.
Speaker B:I've never slept for more than two hours.
Speaker D:Even me that I'm still breastfeeding, I still see more than two hours here and there.
Speaker D:Wow.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:So I haven't slept more than two hours.
Speaker B:So my body clock has now adjusted to that.
Speaker B:Even if my son is sleeping, I just can't sleep.
Speaker B:Even if he cries like, you know, children cry in their sleep.
Speaker C:I fire alarms myself.
Speaker B:What are you burning?
Speaker A:Go ahead.
Speaker B:So even if my contest in his sleep, I'm awake and that's it, I can't go back to sleep.
Speaker B:So sometimes it's really not about.
Speaker B:And, and that's, that's, that's the reason why for me I don't feel so bad with community now I've understood that adulting is really, really, it's really tough for a lot of people, particularly even me.
Speaker B:I'm using my experience to join.
Speaker B:So when somebody doesn't even call me back, I just take it as oh, their son or their child was probably.
Speaker B:So I think that's why because I removed that pressure from what I'm expecting my community or my relationships to be.
Speaker B:I realized that they're easier.
Speaker B:So I don't take it personally when somebody can make it or can't come or cancels talking about me.
Speaker B:She has canceled on me like three, four times before or even more.
Speaker B:And it's not a big deal because I understand how it works with having children and having, you know.
Speaker B:But at least you have support, right?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So, so I think, I think it's tough when you move to these new places.
Speaker B:It's really hard to form relationships especially when you've, you come here in your adult life.
Speaker B:I feel like the children the friends were supposed to have, we made them a long time ago when we were younger.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Because at this stage forming new relationships are really, really hard.
Speaker B:Really?
Speaker B:Because, because you're a full blown person with your own ideals, with your own values, with your own life experiences with you know, your has been formed fully and completely.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So it's hard to be able to, to, to make new friends at this point.
Speaker B:But yeah, I have a try because I went to Queen's College and Queens College.
Speaker B:Wherever you go anywhere in the world, you find 5 million of them.
Speaker B:Like I can like 7 that live in just this.
Speaker B:I live in an area like a suburb.
Speaker B:I can count like seven that live in this suburb alone.
Speaker B:But that, that, that pretty much is it.
Speaker B:But I, I don't see them as often as I used to in Nigeria.
Speaker B:I don't see, I don't hang out even me and I, we live 20 minutes away.
Speaker B:We just take what we can.
Speaker B:I, okay, stop by, we stand out outside in her house Talk for like five minutes and we're gone.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:It happened a couple of times.
Speaker B:So it is what it is.
Speaker B:We just, just, just, just forgive.
Speaker B:Everybody is tough.
Speaker C:Sorry.
Speaker C:Although I want to say Ajifa is very right.
Speaker C:There's the understanding and for most of the time, I think we all have that right.
Speaker C:Because you also cancel on people.
Speaker C:But doesn't change the fact that sometimes it is hard even though you understand.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:It's tough.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So I think there's that thing where you just feel like you feel lonely even though you're not alone.
Speaker C:So it's not, it's not loneliness that it's like, oh, I'm crying.
Speaker B:But I think it should be better because you're coming from the uk.
Speaker B:The UK is not a place that you usually like.
Speaker C:Yeah, but in the uk, remember, my husband had his family there and I did.
Speaker C:And I still had, like, Faladele was there chige.
Speaker C:So I still had a few people.
Speaker C:Then I was.
Speaker C:And I was going into the office, so I made friends in the office.
Speaker C:And my UK experience was really short, you know, it was like, what, a year plus?
Speaker B:Right, Right.
Speaker A:Yeah, it was in the uk.
Speaker C:No, but she used to come, like, I think she came a few times.
Speaker C:So we start.
Speaker C:And in the uk, people visit a lot more because it's closer to Nigeria.
Speaker C:So at every given time, honestly, I didn't feel that in the uk because there were people.
Speaker B:I'm very shocked.
Speaker B:Like, I.
Speaker B:I know it's tough.
Speaker B:It's really.
Speaker B:It really is hard.
Speaker B:And Bumi, I love you.
Speaker B:I know you always want to do activities, like, something.
Speaker C:I think the problem is I always want to do.
Speaker C:I was like, oh, let's go to arcade.
Speaker C:Let's go to the arcade.
Speaker C:Or let's go.
Speaker B:Let's go and sweat.
Speaker B:I just want to sit down.
Speaker B:I just want to sit down and we eat.
Speaker B:Or like, just like.
Speaker B:Because I.
Speaker B:My life is on a kid.
Speaker B:My son is an acrobat.
Speaker A:You have to go into the office, right?
Speaker B:Yeah, I go into the office.
Speaker B:But, like, for this quarter now, I'm not going as much.
Speaker B:But last quarter I was going three times a week.
Speaker A:So you wanna, you wanna, like, rest.
Speaker A:I feel like.
Speaker A:I think for me, it hasn't really been so bad because I have a.
Speaker A:I have a.
Speaker A:I have friend groups here, folks that came from Nigeria.
Speaker A:But also, like, I'm single, I don't have any kids.
Speaker A:I don't have any, like, responsibilities.
Speaker A:And so it's like, it's easier for me to be, you know, like, other Things I have, like, almost respect for y' all.
Speaker A:And you know what?
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:I just.
Speaker A:I feel like it still is nice to know that even though you don't have, like, I'm happy so that, you know, Bumi, that you're.
Speaker A:You're 20 minutes away from Atifa.
Speaker A:I comforting to know that if there is anything, you're gonna be right there.
Speaker A:You know, you all have each other.
Speaker A:You might not see each other as often as you did.
Speaker C:I'm my contact and she's mine.
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:So she can go pick up my daughter if I can't make it.
Speaker A:You know, I'm glad that that is something that, you know, y' all have and, you know, for, like the reason the UK and there's.
Speaker B:Nigeria is in the uk.
Speaker A:So she's good too.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I think that my final question is, if we were to do this again in 5 years, what do you hope we will all be celebrating?
Speaker A:True.
Speaker D:That means.
Speaker B:I didn't get that.
Speaker B:That's okay for me.
Speaker C:I'll send you a text to get.
Speaker A:What else do you hope we'll be celebrating?
Speaker D:Maybe, like major jobs, I would say.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:Because we're.
Speaker D:Yeah, we're international now.
Speaker D:We're in, like, different parts of the world.
Speaker D:I mean, we have sense and we're really creative.
Speaker D:So I'm hoping for, like, yeah, major opportunities, newsworthy moments and mind shattering news, like, work wise.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:Do you guys still have, like, obviously you probably have dreams, but do you still have.
Speaker C:Have the dream?
Speaker C:Like, do you still have something that in five years.
Speaker C:It's not vague.
Speaker C:I want this, like, in terms of ambition.
Speaker C:Like, do you feel.
Speaker C:Do you feel that it's harder to.
Speaker D:Oh, my gosh, Bummy, stop.
Speaker D:You have me in my feels because I've been wrestling with this in the last, like, few weeks.
Speaker D:Just like, you know, some things that I felt so strongly about back then and did.
Speaker D:And then now I'm here and I'm like, I'm here.
Speaker D:Am I still holding on to.
Speaker B:So passionate.
Speaker D:Like, I want to achieve that, but I'm not in Nigeria, so.
Speaker D:Whereas Nigeria is where I want to achieve that.
Speaker D:I feel like Nigeria is raw and ripe for that.
Speaker D:So am I just holding on to that dream?
Speaker D:Okay, I'm here now.
Speaker D:Am I going to have something of my own here?
Speaker D:So.
Speaker D:Girl, you just triggered me, so please stop.
Speaker A:You know, you know, I will say something, right?
Speaker A:I had like a particular.
Speaker A:And y' all know, like, y' all were there.
Speaker A:I had a particular dream.
Speaker A:What I Wanted to be how I wanted to live.
Speaker A:I didn't let being in TVC stopped me.
Speaker A: t even cool, you know, it was: Speaker B:Yes, Harry, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:Before IG, my friend, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:I would.
Speaker A:I would walk, I would edit the podcast, I would walk, I would do go reports, come back, record my podcast, edit the podcast before I go home.
Speaker C:With the TV news.
Speaker A:I will do all those things.
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker A:And I really had a focus on Nigeria.
Speaker A:Think that as I got older and life started to happen to me, I started to lose that because life was happening.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:But I think that this year I was really struggling with myself, really struggling with myself.
Speaker A:I felt like I did not.
Speaker A:I just didn't feel connected to who I was anymore.
Speaker A:And I didn't know why, because, you know, I was like, why am I feeling so disconnected?
Speaker A:You know, I'm.
Speaker A:I know that, you know that those were the dreams of the past.
Speaker A:I don't want to do pop culture commentary anymore.
Speaker A:Like, that's not me anymore.
Speaker A:There's so much in the world right now.
Speaker A:I want to have much more nuanced conversations if I'm going to do something like that.
Speaker A:But also just realizing that the fact that your dreams can just take a different way, they can evolve, they can change.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And so when I decided that, okay, fine, I'm going to go back to podcast.
Speaker A:And not because I want to be the biggest podcaster or because I want to recreate what I.
Speaker A:What the wheel of what I did, what I had back in the day, but because I want to connect with the parts of myself that I really love.
Speaker A:And I want to just share that.
Speaker A:Ever since I've been working on this podcast, it's been amazing.
Speaker A:It's an investment.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:I have to, you know, invest in a couple of equipment and things, but I don't feel as disconnected as I did at the start of the year.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And this conversation.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Will be published to everybody on social media, on YouTube.
Speaker A:But it's really, for me, like, this is feeding me, feeding my soul.
Speaker A:And so I want to let you all know that whatever your dreams were, they can evolve and they can change and it can shift.
Speaker C:Shift.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It can change something new.
Speaker A:And there is room for you to, like, you have trj, you know, it doesn't.
Speaker A:It can evolve into something new.
Speaker A:You know, you wanted to do video.
Speaker A:Maybe now is the time for video.
Speaker A:Maybe now it's time to go back to recent content and just Sharing kind of like a humans of New York vibe that you were going for before.
Speaker A:And so it's like, all these things can change, and that's what I'm learning, that my dreams can shift.
Speaker A:They can change.
Speaker A:And I'm opening up myself to see, okay, where would this journey take me as I'm moving here, as I'm being present, because life is gonna happen.
Speaker B:You know, I gotta say, Harry, you know, when you started, I was so happy.
Speaker D:This place.
Speaker B:Now you are banned.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker D:Ultimate.
Speaker A:Is wild.
Speaker B:She said it so confidently.
Speaker B:I don't even know why that man's name is in my mouth.
Speaker B:Oh, my God.
Speaker B:When you started it, I was.
Speaker B:I was so happy for you.
Speaker B:Like, I gotta tell you, I'm so proud of you for going back to your roots.
Speaker B:And, like, it's so obvious that you were made for this, right?
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it's.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:Happy to see how.
Speaker B:I mean, it's.
Speaker D:It's.
Speaker B:It's just.
Speaker B:I'm excited to see how you have evolved as a human being.
Speaker B:You know, when we talk about pop culture commentary in two minutes or less, in one minute or less, like, we.
Speaker B:We talk about whole, you know, things that really didn't.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:It's just.
Speaker B:Even when I talk to you, the conversations I have with you, I.
Speaker B:This was very, very much needed.
Speaker B:Not just for everyone, but, like you said, for you to see how far you've come.
Speaker B:And I'm sure when you watch these things back, you're just like, wow, I'm definitely not the guy that I was.
Speaker B:Four.
Speaker B:Four years.
Speaker B:Harry's matured.
Speaker C:We're talking.
Speaker C:I'll be like.
Speaker B:Like, I'm talking to Harry.
Speaker B:I'm just like, God, like, is it like he's talking like.
Speaker C:Like what you just said?
Speaker C:Harry, you got me my pills.
Speaker C:I was like, yes, my Dre, I can change.
Speaker B:Honestly.
Speaker B:I gotta give you grace for.
Speaker B:I was like, give me grace.
Speaker B:Hello.
Speaker B:I'm holding space.
Speaker D:Harry, do you still like food?
Speaker B:Please.
Speaker A:I love food.
Speaker C:Please.
Speaker A:I'm trying to.
Speaker A:I'm trying to not.
Speaker A:That's the one thing I would never change.
Speaker A:I'm trying to now.
Speaker A:You know, calories.
Speaker B:You now, like.
Speaker B:Like, cook.
Speaker B:Like, I saw you, like, we were talking.
Speaker B:I was like, okay, okay, you go.
Speaker B:But also, I want to say on this podcast, I'm so proud of you and the person that you are now and how you've.
Speaker B:I think you've finally gotten to your own where you know who you are.
Speaker B:You're unapologetic about it and not as you're Not.
Speaker B:You're not scared to have uncomfortable conversations with anybody.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And in any space.
Speaker B:And you're not afraid to also.
Speaker D:And he's never been.
Speaker D:And he's never been as well.
Speaker B:100.
Speaker B:But right now.
Speaker B:But before, if I, If I convinced Harry, he'll be like, okay, you know, and the conversation will end.
Speaker B:But now Harry would definitely make a point to let you know that I don't agree with this, but this.
Speaker B:But it's okay for you to have your opinion, but I don't.
Speaker B:But it doesn't align with what I believe.
Speaker B:And also another thing that has happened to Harry is that he's able to also recognize people that he doesn't need in his life for different reasons and able to walk away from those situations, which is stuff that back then he struggled with.
Speaker B:I'm like, Harry, just.
Speaker B:Clean break.
Speaker B:Let it go, you know?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Shows that you've really, really matured and evolved as a person.
Speaker B:I'm so proud of you.
Speaker B:I love you so much.
Speaker B:And I.
Speaker B:I can't wait to see you in the next five years because I really feel like you've opened, you know, the gates for something.
Speaker B:Was it gates of hell?
Speaker B:Those were the gates for something that could be really, really amazing.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker D:Thank you for leaving us there because.
Speaker D:So my madame is crying, so I do have to go.
Speaker D:But I just wanted to also add to that and say that, like, I think for me, I just want to say how much of, like, how much respect I have for the OG Ness of this.
Speaker D:Or like, like, Harry, you were doing things, like, ahead of your time, yada.
Speaker C:Magazine, like, Harry, Harry set the pace.
Speaker B:Like, you, You've been.
Speaker D:You've always been ahead of the curve.
Speaker D:You've always had vision.
Speaker B:You've always been.
Speaker D:And so even for you, where it felt like, oh, what am I doing?
Speaker D:Where do I go?
Speaker D:Blah, blah, blah.
Speaker D:I think what we see is like, you've always.
Speaker D:You've always been ahead.
Speaker D:You've always had a plan, even when it was not to do these things.
Speaker B:But you did it.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:Harry.
Speaker D:Consistency.
Speaker C:It doesn't matter if.
Speaker C:If he fails, if he succeeds, Harry will do it.
Speaker D:Yes.
Speaker D:And.
Speaker D:And those things the other day, I think.
Speaker D:I can't remember if I just.
Speaker D:I don't know if I googled your name or like, I googled something that just took me back to one of the Harry minutes we had done years ago.
Speaker D:And it's like stamped on Google on the.
Speaker D:On the web forever.
Speaker D:And so for me, it's just like.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker B:I just want to say, like, how.
Speaker D:Much respect I have for that.
Speaker D:And even what you said, like, we came on to share our story with you and for you to, you know.
Speaker B:Maybe be inspired or think it's cool.
Speaker D:But I'm living feeling like I've been reminded that, like, my dreams can evolve.
Speaker B:My dreams can shape shift.
Speaker D:You know, I can go another route.
Speaker D:And, you know, I've been talking about how, like, oh, do I want to do a podcast?
Speaker D:The whole world is doing podcasts.
Speaker D:Who is now listening for everybody's doing podcast reminded me.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah, but I want to produce.
Speaker C:And if I can't produce on a large scale like we used to, I'm like, I want to produce content that is my.
Speaker C:Not work.
Speaker B:Yeah, right, right, right, right.
Speaker B:Oh, I know that.
Speaker B:I know that.
Speaker B:Sorry, I was just like, yeah, but.
Speaker D:You were doing podcasts before people even were talking about it.
Speaker B:So it's like, it was only SoundCloud.
Speaker D:We had, like, when it was only SoundCloud, we had.
Speaker D:Harry, your dedication.
Speaker D:I just like, oh, my.
Speaker D:I just need to say it's like.
Speaker D:Like, on this platform, Harry would.
Speaker D:We would be doing work, and he'll be committed to that work.
Speaker C:Oh, he will give his.
Speaker B:Would do the work, do it diligently.
Speaker D:And then he will still find time.
Speaker B:For his dreams, like, hours later, you know, come.
Speaker D:Oh, yeah, you guys, you're on the pod today.
Speaker B:This one would.
Speaker D:He will sit and edit, and the episode will be out on the day he says it will be out.
Speaker D:Bruh.
Speaker D:Respect.
Speaker D:And I think there's something for me to take away from this.
Speaker D:Like, just be inspired.
Speaker D:Don't cry, because you're gonna set me off.
Speaker D:Don't cry.
Speaker A:I really try.
Speaker A:I really try not to cry, because y' all have no idea how hard it was.
Speaker A:Start of the start of the year for me, it was really hard.
Speaker A:And I felt like.
Speaker A:I felt like I was in limbo, you know, I was just in limbo.
Speaker A:And maybe I am in some areas of my life, but I feel like I needed to go back.
Speaker A:And I want.
Speaker A:I want all of us.
Speaker A:We are all on different journeys in our lives, but I need us to go back.
Speaker A:The things that you are saying to me at Chiffa for Ladybumi, y' all were also doing great things at the time.
Speaker A:I had dreams and passions that were.
Speaker A:That.
Speaker A:That was motivating us.
Speaker A:We all will talk about.
Speaker A:We were.
Speaker A:Our minds were expanding, and I don't want us to lose that, you know, however way we can nurture that, just keep going.
Speaker A:And the reason why we are in the space that we are in is because God has willed it.
Speaker A:So, you know, in this point in our journeys, we are where we are supposed to be.
Speaker A:So please, whatever.
Speaker A:Whatever way it is, even if it's on a small scale, Even if it's five views or 10 views you have, whatever you do, keep it as a motivation to keep going.
Speaker A:You don't know who's watching.
Speaker A:I don't know who will be inspired, number one.
Speaker A:I don't know whether that will be this next step.
Speaker A:And also, we are all doing big things in our own way.
Speaker A:You know, it looks different, but it's huge.
Speaker A:You know, Wicked was huge for that day.
Speaker A:That was a huge.
Speaker A:It was huge.
Speaker A:You have your name in the credits forever.
Speaker A:IMDb stamped.
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:So you need to hold on to that.
Speaker A:Hold on to that.
Speaker A:I know you'll have to leave, but I'm really thankful.
Speaker A:Thank you all so much.
Speaker A:I love you all so much.
Speaker A:Sometime, take care of yourself, y' all.
Speaker A:And will the folks watching, thank you for watching.
Speaker A:I will see you on the next episode.
Speaker B:If you made it to this point.
Speaker C:Like subscribe and share, please.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:Hit the subscribe button below.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:And Ode Juma.
