Siblings in Grief: Lessons on Loss, Love, and Healing
In this heartfelt episode, Harry is joined by his siblings, Tsema and Meyiwa, as they share their journeys through grief after losing their fathers just weeks apart. With raw honesty, they reminisce about their favorite childhood moments and the special bonds they shared with their dads, revealing how these relationships have influenced their unique ways of coping with loss.
As they discuss their experiences, they also emphasize how this tragedy has brought their family closer together, highlighting the importance of family support during tough times. Filled with genuine moments, laughter, and a few tears, this episode beautifully captures the reality that love and loss often go hand in hand while exploring themes of resilience and healing.
Transcript
Hi, my name is Harry Itie, and welcome to Odejuma.
Speaker A:Odejuma recognizes the magic of storytelling.
Speaker A:From personal experiences to stories of adventure, from tales of resilience to finding joy in the simple things, this story seeks to inspire, entertain, and educate because there is power in the stories of everyday people, and these stories are worth telling.
Speaker A:Hi, folks.
Speaker A:How y' all doing?
Speaker A:Welcome to another episode of Odejuma.
Speaker A:And I'm here with my sisters, actually, Maywa and Shema, and we're gonna be talking about grief.
Speaker A:It's gonna be a very dynamic conversation.
Speaker A:We're gonna go where the convo leads us.
Speaker A:But, you know, first of all, help me welcome my sisters.
Speaker A:Hey, y' all.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker B:Hi.
Speaker A:How are you all feeling?
Speaker B:Good.
Speaker B:Good.
Speaker B:I'm good.
Speaker C:Slightly anxious.
Speaker C:Navigation is always hard, so I'm anxious, but I know I'm looking forward to this.
Speaker A:Yeah, I feel the same way.
Speaker A:So I was like, oh, my God.
Speaker A:This situation, you know, it's just going to be very.
Speaker A:I don't know what to expect, even for myself, in how we're going to have that conversation.
Speaker A:So to give a little bit of context to the folks who are listening, we all have Shema and May well have the same dad, but I have a different dad.
Speaker A:But we have.
Speaker A:We share.
Speaker A:We share a mom.
Speaker A:And last year in May, my dad passed, and a week later, Shema also lost your dad, too.
Speaker A:So we were in a.
Speaker A:In the.
Speaker A:In the space of one week, we were both.
Speaker A:It was a very heavy time for our family as we were, you know, grieving our fathers, basically.
Speaker A:But I don't want to start on that note.
Speaker A:I want to start on a very lighter note.
Speaker A:So I want to ask y' all, what was growing up with your father like?
Speaker A:Like, what memories do you have from that time?
Speaker A:Who would want to go first?
Speaker B:And then I would jump in.
Speaker C:Miwa sets me up because I wanted that to start first.
Speaker C:What was growing up with my dad like?
Speaker C:I do know, interestingly, I thought about it again yesterday and this morning.
Speaker C:It had its ups and downs.
Speaker C:Nobody's perfect.
Speaker C:No parents is perfect.
Speaker C:But we love.
Speaker C:I loved him.
Speaker C:I think Maywa and I had a conversation about this, like, two weeks ago when we talked about navigating our relationship with him and what he was like and how much I miss him.
Speaker C:Every day, I miss him.
Speaker C:But growing up with him, he had its ups and downs.
Speaker C:You know, sometimes we're with Mommy, sometimes we're with Daddy, and.
Speaker C:But I think what I'm more grateful for was I had so many questions with him.
Speaker C:I had questions about.
Speaker C:Because I felt like I always got really.
Speaker C:Was always very hard with him growing up.
Speaker C:You know, how many times daddy would kick me out and I'll come to mommy and all of that.
Speaker C:And I think it was easy to do the kicking out and coming to mommy because mommy was there.
Speaker C:I used to think that if they were in the same house, we wouldn't have that kick out and come to mommy.
Speaker C:But I had a conversation with him before he passed the year he passed even.
Speaker C:And you know, we talked about the resentment that he thought he felt towards me and he wish he had handled it differently about my relationship with my mom and my relationship with him.
Speaker C:And you know, he used to say I would celebrate my mom so much and I wouldn't celebrate that.
Speaker C:I celebrated you.
Speaker C:You just didn't see it.
Speaker C:Or so I thought.
Speaker C:But I know I was also a very, very stubborn child.
Speaker C:Like my, my stubbornness had a Ph.D.
Speaker C:you know, but ultimately we had our ups and downs.
Speaker C:Like lots of ups, lots of downs.
Speaker C:But I wouldn't, I wouldn't ask for any other father.
Speaker A:Sister Mims, how are you feeling?
Speaker B:Just like Shema said, navigating grief isn't the easiest thing in the world, trust me.
Speaker B:But I think one thing I'm learning more as the days go, especially now that daddy is no more, is that no two people have the same experience of anybody.
Speaker B:You know, no two people have the same experience of any one person.
Speaker B:And obviously we could be in the same house, be raised by the.
Speaker B:The same person and see two different people.
Speaker B:And the more we talk about daddy now that he's gone, the more we realize that we didn't experience him the same way.
Speaker B:And that's okay, right?
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I loved my dad, you know, beyond words.
Speaker B:I loved him beyond words.
Speaker B:Growing up with him.
Speaker B:My father was a typical Nigerian man on one hand, but then he was also an outlier on the other hand.
Speaker B:You know, raising children as a single father on his own, girls for that matter.
Speaker B:It was, it wasn't the easiest thing, but he made it seem like it was a walk in the park.
Speaker B:You know, I was talking with somebody yesterday and a couple was having an.
Speaker B:Was having issues where the wife wanted to leave.
Speaker B:And I'm like, yeah, so the father can take care of the kids.
Speaker B:And they looked at me like, do you think it's normal for kids to be left with their father and the father would take up the responsibility?
Speaker B:Wholly.
Speaker B:It's not normal.
Speaker B:And my dad did that effortlessly, or so it seemed.
Speaker B:He did the best he could.
Speaker B:And, Ari, I don't know if you remember one time you had conversations with your father the last time you saw him when you went to visit him, and you were talking about how important that visit was and those conversations were and how you were happy you recorded it and all of that, you know, while I didn't have, you know, that level of experience with mine before he passed.
Speaker B:But just like Shema said, I'm glad we.
Speaker B:We got to talk about so many things.
Speaker B:And he was apologizing for the mistakes he had made.
Speaker B:And I kept telling him, you were the best dad, you know, in the world to me.
Speaker B:And he was like, yeah.
Speaker B:Are you sure?
Speaker B:I don't think so.
Speaker B:I think I.
Speaker B:I think I wasn't the best.
Speaker B:I think I had, you know, too many things going on.
Speaker B:And I'm like, look, you did the best you could with what you had.
Speaker B:And, you know, Hope, he believed me when I said that because that is exactly how I felt.
Speaker B:He was a super sacrificial father.
Speaker B:He never had any friends, like, because he would never.
Speaker B:He would always think about, where will I keep my kids?
Speaker B:He's not going to visit anybody because my father was paranoid about his girls.
Speaker B:He was super paranoid about his girls and protecting his girls.
Speaker B:So you would never see him going to visit friends with his girls or sending us for sleepovers or, you know, leaving us with other people.
Speaker B:It wasn't something he was comfortable doing because he could only trust himself with his girls.
Speaker B:He made so many sacrifices.
Speaker B:So many sacrifices.
Speaker B:It wasn't the best.
Speaker B:It was.
Speaker B:He had his flaws, you know, he wasn't perfect.
Speaker B:Well, he was the best to me, but he wasn't perfect.
Speaker B:And I'm grateful for him being my dad because he has set a standard that I know is achievable.
Speaker B:So when people make excuses for why they can't do this or that, I'm looking at them like somebody has done it before, you know, so it's possible.
Speaker B:It's just that you are not willing to.
Speaker B:To put in the work and make the sacrifice necessary for that to happen.
Speaker B:So I'm super grateful for growing up with him.
Speaker B:He has shaped me.
Speaker B:Everything I am today, everything I am, every.
Speaker B:The way I think, the way I talk, the way I, you know, my outlook, my perspective was shaped by my father.
Speaker B:So, yeah.
Speaker B:And obviously genetically as well.
Speaker B:So, yeah, I'm super great.
Speaker A:I feel like I kind of, like, resonate with what, you know, y' all have said with, like, you know, our dad, you know, you know, our parents are not perfect.
Speaker A:You Know, like, you know, and they're figuring it out as we go along and just the ability to have a little bit of grace for, you know, for.
Speaker A:For our parents.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Even with my dad just thinking about the fact that, you know, and I was.
Speaker A:When I was working on my.
Speaker A:On the first episode of this podcast, I was just thinking about how, like, you know, my dad is the reason why I loved to read when I was younger.
Speaker A:Like, he didn't really do much, but he made sure I was reading.
Speaker A:You know, he made sure I was, you know, all the.
Speaker A:All the cool books, the Muppet kids, you know, sign up for a book club.
Speaker A:He really, you know, he.
Speaker A:He exposed me basically to a level of literature.
Speaker A:And I'm.
Speaker A:I would forever be grateful for that experience.
Speaker A:And also, like, in this moment, I want to just like, give kudos to, like, mommy for, you know, I feel like a lot of people, you know, women in her situation will probably, like, talk about, you know, the partner that he didn't work out with, like, oh, you're, you know, good for nothing dad, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker A:But, you know, mommy never did that.
Speaker A:So I just want to just honor that, that, you know, I'm really grateful that she was.
Speaker A:She did not, no matter what was happening, we didn't have an idea until we were older that, okay, this was the reality of the situation.
Speaker A:It was just to me, my dad lived in Surul area, my mom lived in Ibtmeta.
Speaker A:You know, that was it.
Speaker A:It wasn't like, oh, I was struggling, oh, from a broken home.
Speaker A:I'm not saying that people don't have their struggles who are in like, those type of homes, but I don't think that that's how we were raised.
Speaker A:We were just raised that, you know, our parents are lived in separate places and, you know, they loved us in their own way.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker A:We have a expansive family and we are all family regardless.
Speaker A:So just want to, you know, hold that peace.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So, Ari, I think.
Speaker B:I think for me, I think it's really worth noting just what you've said, especially because for somehow I don't know how our parents did it, but they made it work with our blended family.
Speaker B:It's not normal.
Speaker B:I know it's not normal the way we blended nicely.
Speaker B:All sides of the family just getting along.
Speaker B:Well, sisters are sisters, brothers are brothers.
Speaker B:Everybody's just chilling, you know, just like you said, blissfully unaware of whatever, if there were any animosities going on in the background, you know, and just like you said, shout out to our parents all of them for making it work.
Speaker B:I would come to your dad's place for holidays.
Speaker B:You would come to ours for holidays.
Speaker B:You would be at Mommy's.
Speaker B:You know, everything was just, you know, Nicely done.
Speaker B:Nicely done.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I used to love going to ikui.
Speaker A:I was like, oh, I'm gonna.
Speaker A:I'm gonna.
Speaker B:For all the gadgets and stuff.
Speaker B:Your dad had so many computers and gadgets and stuff, and the neighbors and the swing at J.
Speaker B:Martins, you know?
Speaker A:Yes, yes.
Speaker A:But was the cool place.
Speaker A:Let's not even deny y' all were living in the.
Speaker A:You living in Eoyu was like where the creme de la creme used to live.
Speaker A:So, hey, shout out to that.
Speaker A:I want to bring it up, though, a little bit closer to now.
Speaker A:It's been a year when this episode is going to be released.
Speaker A:It will be a year since our parents have passed.
Speaker A:Both of our dads have passed.
Speaker A:I want you all to take me back to.
Speaker A:And I know it can be hard to relieve.
Speaker A:What you remember about that time, about hearing the news and how.
Speaker A:How was that experience like for you?
Speaker C:Me?
Speaker C:Why you first this time around?
Speaker B:Okay, so I'll start by saying my dad had a dark sense of humor in that.
Speaker B:He always used to joke about death a lot.
Speaker B:You know, my dad would say stuff like, oh, when I die, make sure you take the TV in the parlor, the TV in the.
Speaker B:In my room upstairs, or Masan, take the one downstairs.
Speaker B:You know, my dad always used to joke about it, yeah, I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm sicko.
Speaker B:That was his idea of humor.
Speaker B:My dad had a very dark sense of humor.
Speaker B:So I kind of felt like.
Speaker B:I always felt like I was ready.
Speaker B:You know, when he dies, he has already.
Speaker B:We joke about it was death.
Speaker B:Death is something that must happen.
Speaker B:You know, I always used to think that I was strong enough for death when it comes.
Speaker B:But on the other hand, I also felt like my dad was larger than life.
Speaker B:I tell people all the time, and it's not a cliche for me.
Speaker B:I never imagined a time where my dad could die literally.
Speaker B:I know it was naive of me, but I just never conceived of a world without him.
Speaker B:I don't know if I'm.
Speaker B:If I'm making any sense right now.
Speaker B:So when.
Speaker B:When I first got the call that he was sick, I took in, oh, yeah, he's sick.
Speaker B:He'll be fine.
Speaker B:He's gone through this before.
Speaker B:He's been sick before.
Speaker B:It's my dad.
Speaker B:He's strong.
Speaker B:He'll be fine.
Speaker B:And when the Call finally came second saying that Daddy had died.
Speaker B:I remember I told my sister Mass, and I said, it's impossible.
Speaker B:Daddy can't have died.
Speaker B:You know, it's not possible.
Speaker B:She said, yes, I don't believe it either.
Speaker B:Let's just keep waiting and praying and hoping and.
Speaker B:Honest to God, I.
Speaker B:I didn't want to take any calls.
Speaker B:I think that was my version of denial.
Speaker B:I couldn't take any calls.
Speaker B:I didn't want to talk to anybody because I didn't want anybody telling me that my truth was not real.
Speaker B:You know, My truth was that my dad was still alive.
Speaker B:He couldn't be dead.
Speaker B:It wasn't time.
Speaker B:I wasn't ready, you know, for all whatever reason.
Speaker B:So when I.
Speaker B:When I.
Speaker B:When I finally realized that it was true, somehow I was sure.
Speaker B:And I kept screaming his name.
Speaker B:I kept screaming his name.
Speaker B:My dad have.
Speaker B:My dad and I have the weirdest, most beautiful relationship or had.
Speaker B:So I still find it hard to refer to him.
Speaker B:In the past.
Speaker B:Daddy and I had the weirdest form of relationship.
Speaker B:I was stubborn.
Speaker B:He was stubborn as well.
Speaker B:But we had, like, a mutual respect for each other and our stubbornness.
Speaker B:So I kind of felt like if he heard me calling his name, he would respond.
Speaker B:He couldn't but respond to my calling his name.
Speaker B:So I kept screaming his name.
Speaker B:I kept screaming all versions of his name and telling him to just wake up.
Speaker B:And I remember the next thing I wanted to do was see him.
Speaker B:I just want to see him.
Speaker B:Okay, fine.
Speaker B:If he wasn't responding to my calls, he would respond to my touch.
Speaker B:It would respond to feeling me.
Speaker B:He needed to see me to know that, you know.
Speaker B:Okay, stop this joke.
Speaker B:You have gone too far with this.
Speaker B:Stop.
Speaker B:Wake up.
Speaker B:It's time to wake up.
Speaker B:You know, I think that was the only thing that was going on in my head.
Speaker B:But when it finally dawned on me that my dad was really dead, I remember I called my best friend and I asked.
Speaker B:I said, tell me what to do.
Speaker B:I don't know how to do this.
Speaker B:I don't know what to do.
Speaker B:Tell me what to do, because I.
Speaker B:What am I supposed to do?
Speaker B:You know?
Speaker B:That's what I kept asking.
Speaker B:What am I supposed to do with this?
Speaker B:I didn't know what to do, you know, but I think I just needed to see him.
Speaker B:I needed to see him.
Speaker B:And I felt like the longer it took for me to see him, the further it would go away from me.
Speaker B:And for a long time, I think I held that guilt that I didn't get to him.
Speaker B:Soon Enough.
Speaker B:And that's why he never woke up, you know?
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:Sorry.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker B:I'm fine.
Speaker B:I'm fine.
Speaker B:Over to you.
Speaker C:Thank you for.
Speaker C:This is the first time I'm hearing.
Speaker C:May was Maywa's experience the day daddy died.
Speaker C:Even Harry, I don't think we've actually talked about how you felt the day you heard.
Speaker C:Of course we checked in, we had conversations, but I've never really like.
Speaker C:So that question you ask is quite profound.
Speaker C:For me it was.
Speaker C:It was an ex.
Speaker C:It was an interesting experience because I'd gone to America.
Speaker C:I was in America for a program and I sent daddy a text saying that when I come back, I'll see you.
Speaker C:I have a meeting in Benin.
Speaker C:I'll see you then.
Speaker C:I'll come to you.
Speaker C:And he said, sure, I'll see you on Monday.
Speaker C:I was supposed to be there on Monday.
Speaker C:Like I was supposed to be there the next week.
Speaker C:And daddy had done something interesting.
Speaker C:He has sent us a picture of himself on the hospital bed.
Speaker C:On a bed in his room with an iv.
Speaker C:And I spoke to him on the phone.
Speaker C:I was like, daddy, what's going on?
Speaker C:Why do you have iv?
Speaker C:And he says, mom dying.
Speaker C:Mom, there's a way he says these things.
Speaker C:And he jokes like Mera said.
Speaker C:I was like, daddy, you're not dying now.
Speaker C:You know, I'll see you.
Speaker C:But he had IV and so that was scary.
Speaker C:But his voice was still very strong.
Speaker C:Up until the very end.
Speaker C:His voice was strong.
Speaker C:Like it didn't sound weak.
Speaker C:Not one second did I hear him frill.
Speaker C:And I spoke to him up until the day before he died.
Speaker C:And his voice was strong.
Speaker C:And so I remember calling him.
Speaker C:I was about to board a flight from Boston to Philly.
Speaker C:And I remember it was a one hour flight and I had called to check in.
Speaker C:Because I did that space between that one hour before the flight, I knew I was going to be in communicators.
Speaker C:I'm going to be sure it was okay.
Speaker C:And the day before they had said it was.
Speaker C:He had gone into a coma.
Speaker C:But they brought him out and it's fine now.
Speaker C:So I remember sitting down there and they said they think they found an infection in his lungs.
Speaker C:It might be pneumonia.
Speaker C:She might be praying.
Speaker C:Be praying.
Speaker C:I called my sister on my son.
Speaker C:I called mommy, I said, mommy, we pray.
Speaker C:Mommy said, ah, we're talking about our MFM convention.
Speaker C:I said, mommy, that convention.
Speaker C:We are going to pray.
Speaker C:My dad is sick.
Speaker C:You can't lose two ex husbands in a short time.
Speaker C:Go and pray, Mommy.
Speaker C:Go and pray.
Speaker C:Of course, my dad.
Speaker C:Your dad had passed.
Speaker C:Mommy said, we are praying.
Speaker C:We are praying.
Speaker C:I was praying throughout.
Speaker C:Like, just ahead, I was singing a song.
Speaker C:I was praying.
Speaker C:But I remember being in the aircraft.
Speaker C:And while I was praying, I saw a sunset.
Speaker C:It's on one of my phones as my WhatsApp story.
Speaker C:And I saw a sunset, a beautiful, beautiful sunset.
Speaker C:And that sunset in my head said, daddy will be fine.
Speaker C:And when I heard that Daddy will be fine.
Speaker C:For me, that Daddy will be fine meant that.
Speaker C:That he was going to come out of it like, he has been through worse things.
Speaker C:He had surgery.
Speaker C:He had.
Speaker C:Like, he has been through worse things.
Speaker C:This is nothing.
Speaker C:That it will be fine.
Speaker C:That's what the voice in my head said.
Speaker C:We just immediately landed, called Uber is our brother, you know, of course you know.
Speaker C:I'm saying it for.
Speaker C:For your listeners.
Speaker C:And Buber called and Bubba said, daddy is gone.
Speaker C:I was sitting in the aircraft.
Speaker C:I was by the window.
Speaker C:I said, that's what you mean by that?
Speaker C:He's gone.
Speaker C:Daddy can't be gone.
Speaker C:What are you talking about?
Speaker C:That is gone.
Speaker C:He said, daddy is gone.
Speaker C:I said, don't play with me like that.
Speaker C:I just spoke with them.
Speaker C:Daddy is.
Speaker C:No, you don't have accurate information.
Speaker C:Go and check.
Speaker C:Daddy is not gone.
Speaker C:Like, go and check.
Speaker C:Call them.
Speaker C:I just.
Speaker C:It was an hour ago.
Speaker C:They said it was distant, so Daddy just died.
Speaker C:My legs couldn't carry me.
Speaker C:I didn't want to come out of the aircraft.
Speaker C:I was frantic.
Speaker C:There was a pain in my chest that I just wanted to grab my heart out and throw it away because I couldn't manage the pain in my chest.
Speaker C:Unlike me one masan I didn't have that experience of.
Speaker C:I don't want to believe it yet, to be honest, I didn't have the experience of once, like, yeah, from them.
Speaker C:I don't want to believe because I called on myself.
Speaker C:Is this a joke?
Speaker C:Because I was just away for one hour and she said, daddy is gone.
Speaker C:Prior to that, sent a message to my friends in a WhatsApp group.
Speaker C:Say, pray for me, my dad is sick.
Speaker C:And I normally don't say, pray for me, my dad is sick.
Speaker C:This first time I'm saying, pray for me, my dad is sick.
Speaker C:And so they worried.
Speaker C:What do I pray for me.
Speaker C:Your dad is sick.
Speaker C:And I come back and I'm going crazy.
Speaker C:I'm literally going crazy at the airport.
Speaker C:Is a country I've never been to before.
Speaker C:I've not been to this city.
Speaker C:I just came here For Philly.
Speaker C:I've never been there.
Speaker C:I came here for a workshop.
Speaker C:I came here for a training.
Speaker C:And I'm at the airport.
Speaker C:Thought I could sort myself out, Harry.
Speaker C:I couldn't carry myself.
Speaker C:My legs couldn't carry me.
Speaker C:I kept falling down as I was going.
Speaker C:I kept falling down, just trying to get baggage claim.
Speaker C:I couldn't read my eyes where I was screaming.
Speaker C:And I remember sitting down.
Speaker C:I had to find somewhere to sit.
Speaker C:And I was frantic.
Speaker C:I couldn't breathe.
Speaker C:I couldn't breathe.
Speaker C:And I said, my dad is gone.
Speaker C:My dad is gone.
Speaker C:My dad is gone.
Speaker C:My dad.
Speaker C:You guys are joking.
Speaker C:My dad is gone.
Speaker C:And I remember security at a point saw someone crying and going frantic.
Speaker C:And because I just kept hitting my chest, I kept hitting my chest.
Speaker C:And they asked me like, what's going on?
Speaker C:Are you okay?
Speaker C:I said, my dad is gone.
Speaker C:My dad is gone.
Speaker C:My dad is gone.
Speaker C:I said, can I get you something?
Speaker C:Like a cup of water or something?
Speaker C:I said, can you give me back my daddy?
Speaker C:Now I think about being nice, but I don't know if I came across as rude, but that's how I felt.
Speaker C:And I remember calling my friends when I sent them in the text message, my friends, of course, it was nighttime in Philadelphia, which meant that it was 2am, 3am in Nigeria.
Speaker C:But fortunately, two of my friends were online and they called me.
Speaker C:And you know what worried me the most, Harry?
Speaker C:I was so afraid that Daddy wasn't proud of me.
Speaker C:Because Daddy and I had fought so much.
Speaker C:Like, we had a very rocky relationship.
Speaker C:But at the same time, what I'm most appreciative of him for was when my marriage fell apart, Daddy stood by me like nobody else could.
Speaker C:Daddy would.
Speaker D:They would check in on me.
Speaker C:Daddy will say, shema, are you okay?
Speaker C:Shema.
Speaker C:Consolidate.
Speaker C:Consolidate.
Speaker D:Don't worry about me.
Speaker D:Consolidate.
Speaker D:Daddy would constantly, constantly checking on me to make sure that I was fine.
Speaker D:Daddy not one day told me that I was a fool for leaving my marriage.
Speaker D:He told me, yes, when I told you, my mouth was smiling.
Speaker D:You know how he talks.
Speaker D:But he will come back and he would love me hard the way he knew how to love, you know?
Speaker C:Always made sure I was fine.
Speaker C:Always made sure I was fine.
Speaker D:Always made sure I was fine.
Speaker D:And I felt like I let him down with my marriage falling apart.
Speaker D:I felt I let him down with everything in my life always being so roller coaster, you know?
Speaker D:And I remember calling my friends and asking them and saying that my father will be ashamed of me.
Speaker D:He would be so ashamed of me.
Speaker D:I feel like I let him down.
Speaker D:I feel like I let him down.
Speaker D:I feel like I let him down.
Speaker D:Then he said to me that, no, Hillary will be proud of you.
Speaker C:Look at you.
Speaker D:You're in Philly doing a social impact program in Upenn, which happened to be an Ivy League school.
Speaker D:And I remember sending him the text.
Speaker D:I was going to Upenn, and Daddy said, I'm proud of you.
Speaker D:But I didn't remember it at that time.
Speaker D:I remember when I got into Oxford and I sent him it and said, I got into Oxford.
Speaker D:He said, I'm proud of you.
Speaker D:But I didn't remember that time.
Speaker D:All I could remember was the disgrace I caused him with my marriage falling apart.
Speaker D:And I felt like every time I was the child who struggled, I was a child who he always worried about.
Speaker D:Or so I felt, you know?
Speaker D:And I just said, daddy, just hang in there for me.
Speaker D:I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, Daddy, I'm back on Monday.
Speaker D:I need you back on Monday.
Speaker D:I think he died on a Tuesday.
Speaker D:I'm like, I'm back to Nigeria on Monday, Daddy.
Speaker D:All I need you to do, just hang in there for me.
Speaker D:Hang in there for me, you know?
Speaker D:But I knew that he was someone who wouldn't want to be a burden to anybody.
Speaker D:The vast sickness he said felt, and he said it before he died.
Speaker D:I would rather die than to be a burden to my family.
Speaker D:But I think that's the question I always ask myself till now, if I made him proud or if I made him ashamed.
Speaker D:I have WhatsApp messages where he told me he was proud of me because of my academic achievements and everything else.
Speaker D:But I think that other than that, like, what have I done?
Speaker D:You know, it's fine.
Speaker D:So much for us, you know, like me once said, he had no life.
Speaker D:Me and him would have that conversation.
Speaker D:He'd be like, ah, I didn't know how to bathe girls.
Speaker D:I figured out bathing girls.
Speaker D:It was hard to be bathing girls, especially as you guys were growing up, you know, Daddy was so protective of us, in hindsight.
Speaker D:And I remember telling Mimi then that I'm so sure he never remarried because he didn't want anybody to treat us poorly.
Speaker D:And Mewa was such a spoiled child.
Speaker D:I dare say she knew her daddy loved her.
Speaker D:Miwa was that child.
Speaker D:I would always say how she felt it.
Speaker D:And you know, that he was always so protective of her and that I felt not in a bad way, but in a way that Daddy just didn't want anybody that would Stress his kids because he knew us.
Speaker D:He knew our quirks, he knew our perks.
Speaker D:He knew that if Maywa is like.
Speaker C:This, this is Maywa.
Speaker C:It doesn't mean that Maywa is something else.
Speaker C:This is just how my daughter is.
Speaker D:Other people might not get it.
Speaker C:And so he was like, I didn't want any stepmother.
Speaker C:And he said it to me, I.
Speaker D:Don'T want any stepmother treating you guys so poorly.
Speaker D:I didn't want any step on that.
Speaker D:I would treat you people badly.
Speaker C:And I won't be there and you guys won't tell me because I know you people.
Speaker D:And so, you know, just to think about the fact that that man was single for so long and never remarried until when we're all grown and out.
Speaker C:Of the house speaks to the kind.
Speaker D:Of hearts that he had.
Speaker D:So even if we had a rocky relationship, like, it was just so easy to love him, you know?
Speaker D:And I will say this, though, that for me, it was the struggle for validation for so long from him that made me, you know, make some foolish decisions at the same time.
Speaker D:And I realized that even post humors, I still struggle for his validation.
Speaker D:I'm learning to let that go because that has made me a people pleaser, so to speak.
Speaker D:But I'm hoping that he just sees me from heaven and is.
Speaker D:I really hope that he's proud of me, you know, because I sacrificed so much for me and I wouldn't want to be that child that made him ashamed, even up until death.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker D:Shama out.
Speaker A:I just want to hold you in this moment when I can't be with you, like, in person, but, like, just hold you in this moment that, you know, he was proud of you and he named that before he passed multiple times that he was proud of you and your divorce was hard for, you know, I don't know how much you want to share, but, like, we know your divorce was hard, but he was there with you through that journey, through that process, and he stood by you and he loved you through it.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker A:And he loved your children also.
Speaker A:That is something you can hold on to, you know, and hindsight is, you know, I'm sure he also, you know, had some regret with how things went, and he tried to make up for it.
Speaker A:That's why he stood by you, and that's why he was sure to tell you that he was proud of you.
Speaker A:So I'm holding you in this moment.
Speaker D:Thank you, Hart.
Speaker A:You know, I just really appreciate y' all for being open and for sharing how you felt before.
Speaker A:I, like, I know I Know, but I want to also name that I did feel some type of way because I felt a little bit of guilt because I remember when you called me, Mimi, to tell me about your dad's death.
Speaker A:I did not know he had died.
Speaker A:I hadn't gotten the text from.
Speaker A:I hadn't got any text or anything.
Speaker A:You know, I was like, yeah, I'll find out what's up.
Speaker A:Like, I was very like, you know, I didn't know what was going on.
Speaker A:It took me like a second to register.
Speaker A:And I was like, you're like, he's gone.
Speaker A:I was like, who's gone?
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:Like, it did not take.
Speaker A:That was how I heard for the first time.
Speaker A:I didn't hear from Mommy, hadn't reached out to me.
Speaker A:So, yeah, I was like, oh, damn.
Speaker A:I felt like I was not, you know, it didn't really.
Speaker A:I was not as ready to receive it when.
Speaker A:When you shared it.
Speaker A:So there's a lot of guilt in that, in that regard also.
Speaker A:I was like, damn.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:I picked up the phone.
Speaker A:I was, you know, happy, go lucky.
Speaker A:Even though I was trying to be happy, go lucky.
Speaker A:Because, you know, I had just lost my dad a week before and had called you first also at the time.
Speaker A:Because this is very interesting.
Speaker A:His death was very interesting.
Speaker A:He had been sick for a while, off and on, in and out of the hospital.
Speaker A:And so I think a part of me kind of knew, you know, was like, okay, I feel like this is getting.
Speaker A:This is serious, you know, And I was talking with Auntie A.B.
Speaker A:quite often about, you know, what was happening and the experience and everything.
Speaker A:And I remember I was in D.C.
Speaker A:that weekend, so I went to see a play, you know, I mean, I love me a play.
Speaker A:And the name of the play was where the Mountain Missed the Sea.
Speaker A:And in the play, the character, the main character, it's a.
Speaker A:It's a.
Speaker A:It's about a Haitian migrants and his first generation child.
Speaker A:And so they were the main characters of the story, talking about their lives from their point of view.
Speaker A:And so it was the Haitian migrants, the dad had moved here, had his son, but he had been estranged, and they were estranged.
Speaker A:I think the guy, the father kind of figured out, oh, I make exchange for my son because my son is gay.
Speaker A:So I kind of have an idea why he doesn't want to.
Speaker A:He doesn't come around anymore.
Speaker A:He doesn't talk to me quite often.
Speaker A:And I miss him.
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:And then the son had heard the news that his father had passed.
Speaker A:And so his father was.
Speaker A:He was reacting to the news.
Speaker A:It was a very, like.
Speaker A:I don't know what to call that kind of genre.
Speaker A:The story was the father had passed, basically, and they were just.
Speaker A:He was dealing with the grief, right, of losing his father and not being able to talk to his father about his experiences and what he had gone through.
Speaker A:And then I think the father was also just talking about maybe from the other side or something, his experience on how he loved his son, regardless, and how he wishes that they had a much more healthy, better relationship and that he was going to love his son regardless of whatever tensions that they had between them.
Speaker A:So that's what I was watching.
Speaker A:And it was a very moving play.
Speaker A:It was very deep.
Speaker A:There was a lot of music, some music in the play, very.
Speaker A:And I was just.
Speaker A:I was crying for most of the play because it was very touching, and I felt like I was connecting to the play.
Speaker A:And I was thinking about my dad throughout as the play was going on.
Speaker A:I was thinking about my dad, thinking about him, thinking about him, you know?
Speaker A:But I just.
Speaker A:I felt.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I don't want to say.
Speaker A:I feel.
Speaker A:I don't want to sound maybe mystical or I don't want to sound, you know, like.
Speaker A:I don't want to sound.
Speaker A:Say it, you know, But I felt like my father was there, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:I felt like I was reacting to what I was watching.
Speaker A:I was feeling emotional.
Speaker A:I was connecting to the.
Speaker A:To the story.
Speaker A:But it also felt like he was holding me and letting me know that, okay, it's okay to feel your feelings.
Speaker A:You know, how you are watching something and someone is, like, tapping you ever so slightly.
Speaker A:That's how I felt.
Speaker A:But I didn't really think too much of it because, you know, I'm just watching a play.
Speaker A:The play is good.
Speaker A:The play is done.
Speaker A:No intermission.
Speaker A:I think it was like an hour, 30 minutes.
Speaker A:The play was wrapped up.
Speaker A:I come out and Auntie A.B.
Speaker A:calls me that my dad had died.
Speaker A:And it was.
Speaker A:I was like, I don't understand.
Speaker A:I know Christians like to feel like, you know, they say, oh, if your parent dies, they're gone, you know, and nothing, you know, they're gone.
Speaker A:But that's not how we felt in that moment.
Speaker A:It felt like, you know, I was consoled by him in that moment.
Speaker A:And that was my experience.
Speaker A:And even though I.
Speaker A:I cried, it hit me harder than I thought it was gonna hit me.
Speaker A:I was really sad.
Speaker A:I spoke to you.
Speaker A:I spoke to everyone called all my family members, you know, but, yeah, I feel like a part of me is kind of happy that I was.
Speaker A:I was having that experience when he passed and that, you know, I feel like he came to find me when he left.
Speaker C:It's almost serendipitous, isn't it?
Speaker C:Like, you're sitting down, watching that play in that moment, a child trying to navigate his relationship with his father, you know, and here you are in that moment.
Speaker C:There's just a comfort and overwhelming comfort that tells you everything will be fine.
Speaker C:Yeah, it's the mysteries of life.
Speaker A:And I know I'm just like, he was.
Speaker A:He was there, like.
Speaker A:And I think that that kind of helped me.
Speaker A:Even the times when it was hard to, like, deal with the grief.
Speaker A:I think that that knowing was that.
Speaker A:I think that my dad was with me after he passed because I was watching that play.
Speaker A:I was emotional, and he was holding me with care throughout that process.
Speaker A:Yeah, I'm very curious about, like, the lessons from grief.
Speaker A:I feel like it's been a year.
Speaker A:A lot has happened in this year.
Speaker A:And even before the lessons of grief, like, you know, how has grief changed you as a person and your relationships and how you show up in the world?
Speaker A:How has grief changed?
Speaker A:I think that'll be a good place to start.
Speaker B:Think.
Speaker B:I think about this question every single day.
Speaker B:And I realized that grief changes you completely.
Speaker B:I never prepared for it.
Speaker B:You know, like I always say, no, nothing can prepare you for grief.
Speaker B:Nobody could have told me what I would feel.
Speaker B:You know, nobody can explain to you how your grief will feel.
Speaker B:Like, it can't be explained by any book, anything.
Speaker B:I know.
Speaker B:I remember that after my dad died, the one thing that kept resounding in my head was, nothing matters anymore.
Speaker B:Nothing matters anymore.
Speaker B:Nothing matters anymore.
Speaker B:And I think that has been my approach to life since then.
Speaker B:Nothing is as important.
Speaker B:Nothing matters as much.
Speaker B:No one matters as much.
Speaker B:Because you can wake up and be gone tomorrow.
Speaker B:It can be gone tomorrow.
Speaker B:And at the end of the day, nothing really, really matters.
Speaker B:I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.
Speaker B:I don't really care so much if it's a good thing or a bad thing.
Speaker B:As much as this is my new philosophy or this is how I.
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker B:This is how I approach life now.
Speaker B:Nothing matters as much.
Speaker B:It is what it is.
Speaker B:Nothing matters as much.
Speaker B:You can die and life will go on.
Speaker B:You can hold everything tight to your chest, be holding it tight to your chest, but life will go on.
Speaker B:You know, once it Nothing matters as much, you know, Nothing matters as much, and I know one less.
Speaker B:Another lesson grief has taught me is you will lose people.
Speaker B:Grief would take people from you and not just the person that has died.
Speaker B:There are relationships that will die with that person.
Speaker B:There are things that will go with that person.
Speaker B:There are feelings you will never feel, and they will go with that person.
Speaker B:I keep saying nothing could have prepared me for this.
Speaker B:Nothing.
Speaker B:I can't explain it to anybody.
Speaker B:And it's okay if they don't understand.
Speaker B:I'm not trying to explain my feelings to you for you to validate.
Speaker B:I mean, nothing matters.
Speaker B:So it doesn't even.
Speaker B:It doesn't matter how you feel.
Speaker B:I'm taking.
Speaker B:Some people were upset with me as.
Speaker B:As to how I handled my grief with my dad, because I was.
Speaker B:Typically, when I'm in a bad place, I like to hunker down and deal with it in my way and then come up for air when I need air.
Speaker B:I don't.
Speaker B:I'm not the kind of person that I like people to hold my hand through.
Speaker B:When I go through stuff, I like to feel my feelings, you know, and once I figure it out, I can come up for it and share with you if I feel the need to.
Speaker B:And I did that as well when Daddy died.
Speaker B:Like I said the first day, I didn't want to talk to anybody.
Speaker B:Don't call me.
Speaker B:I don't want to talk.
Speaker B:I didn't even want to see my phone.
Speaker B:I had to call my office because I needed to.
Speaker B:You know, I had meetings that prepped.
Speaker B:I had things I needed to do that I needed to tell my boss.
Speaker B:I'm not available for now until further notice.
Speaker B:And thankfully, my boss was super understanding.
Speaker B:She said, may, well, go and do what you have to do, you know, she didn't ask me what happened, how did he die?
Speaker B:Because I couldn't even have that conversation.
Speaker B:She just said, it's okay.
Speaker B:Do what you need to do.
Speaker B:And I didn't want to talk to anybody.
Speaker B:And since then, obviously, relationships have gone.
Speaker B:I've lost people since I lost my dad.
Speaker B:And it's been hard.
Speaker B:I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker B:But I survived the loss of my dad.
Speaker B:Now I know I can survive anything because, I mean, there was a new strength I got from that.
Speaker B:I survived the loss of my dad.
Speaker B:Nothing matters as much.
Speaker B:Nothing can kill me.
Speaker B:Nothing can break me anymore.
Speaker B:As far as I'm concerned, nobody living can break me.
Speaker B:Nothing being taken away from me right now can break me anymore.
Speaker B:So while it was a bad thing, you Know that daddy died.
Speaker B:It was also a good thing because it gave me a strength I didn't know I had.
Speaker B:It also gave me a new perspective to life.
Speaker B:Right now, nothing matters.
Speaker B:I'm fine.
Speaker B:I'll be fine.
Speaker B:No matter what, I'll be fine.
Speaker B:And that's how I see it.
Speaker A:That's a word right there.
Speaker A:Any thoughts?
Speaker C:So what had helped me since daddy passed was me writing.
Speaker C:I tried to write.
Speaker C:And I take time writing because.
Speaker C:Because I share my heart a lot.
Speaker C:In my blogs, I have a medium post.
Speaker C:I have a medium page where I write.
Speaker C:And it's often I share my heart.
Speaker C:I really share pieces of my heart and like, I go into the deepest parts of myself and I share it for the world.
Speaker C:So if you check out my medium, you will know things about me that I wouldn't probably say to people that.
Speaker C:Which is why I'm fine with having like 50 followers on Medium.
Speaker D:Barely even read it.
Speaker C:And I started this series called Navigating Grief.
Speaker C:I've done two articles on navigating if I'm going to write the third one very soon, because a good old dear friend of mine, who I consider his sister lost her son a week ago.
Speaker C:And hearing that Josh died, he did the same thing to my heart that he did with Daddy.
Speaker C:Feeling of, I just need my heart out of my chest because it hurts so much.
Speaker C:But like me, wah, I lost friends.
Speaker C:I lost.
Speaker C:I lost friends, I lost family.
Speaker C:I lost people.
Speaker C:But I.
Speaker C:I didn't live thinking nothing matters as much.
Speaker C:I left thinking everything matters more now.
Speaker C:And so I'm the one who would grab a camera and take pictures and do stupid videos of even my friend's children scampering about the house.
Speaker C:Of even them just saying, okay, okay, you know, I see Zana and I want to capture every moment I can with Zana on camera.
Speaker C:And I just want to hug her and kiss her.
Speaker C:I see my own kids and I just want to hug them and kiss them.
Speaker C:Like I.
Speaker C:I grab my camera all the time.
Speaker C:Like, when I went to mommy's place, I grabbed my camera.
Speaker C:Mommy was locking the door.
Speaker C:Mommy's locking the door.
Speaker D:Mommy's opening the door.
Speaker D:I'm grabbing.
Speaker C:Mommy's praying, I'm grabbing my camera, you know, because everything matters more now to me.
Speaker C:I don't want to look back wishing I did something, that I didn't do something.
Speaker C:I did something, you know, like the people that matter matter.
Speaker C:I.
Speaker C:I want to have pictures and videos of the people I love so I can look at them.
Speaker C:I can have videos of Daddy just of his.
Speaker C:Just of his voice, just hearing his voice, doing stuff like praying.
Speaker C:And it resonates with me.
Speaker C:What death did to me was.
Speaker C:Made me realize that like Maywa, if you survive the death of someone you love so dearly and deeply, like what she said, you can survive.
Speaker C:You think you can survive anything?
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:Because I saw my friend lose her son.
Speaker C:And that's another level of devastation that is inexplicable.
Speaker C:But what I realized there and then.
Speaker C:Cuz she said it when her son died.
Speaker C:She said she wishes that she wasn't too at the service of song, that she.
Speaker C:I know she told him she loved him a lot, but she feels like she didn't tell him she loved him a lot.
Speaker C:She feels like she was too busy disciplining him that he never got to really experience as a mom.
Speaker C:And I think that's just her grief speaking.
Speaker C:I think she was an amazing and phenomenal mom and she celebrated him a lot.
Speaker C:But what I got out of it and what I've gotten out of daddy's death, and even with the two series I wrote, the first one is now that my daddy is gone.
Speaker C:The second one is this thing called Love.
Speaker C:Now this.
Speaker C:The second one called this thing called Love came from a place.
Speaker C:So how painful it is to love and how sometimes love is.
Speaker C:You love so much that it hurts, that love hurts you.
Speaker C:Like sometimes love hurts you.
Speaker C:You love so deeply hurts you.
Speaker C:That is why the loss of a loved one, the loss of a marriage, the loss of a job, the loss of even your children growing up and leaving you, all of that kind of loss comes with a kind of pain, comes with a kind of grief because you love the person.
Speaker C:It's from the love.
Speaker C:It's the fact that Harry is so far away and we can't hop on a plane and see you.
Speaker C:And you.
Speaker C:Sometimes you experience your daddy's death and we couldn't be there to hold your hand through it.
Speaker C:And that's.
Speaker C:That's the loss of a love.
Speaker C:That's a grief.
Speaker C:That's another kind of grief.
Speaker C:And the loss of a love that happens.
Speaker C:And C.S.
Speaker C:lewis said something about love.
Speaker C:We talked about how love is so deep and love is the essence of our humanity.
Speaker C:And sometimes love hurts.
Speaker C:It hurts so badly and you can't even.
Speaker C:He couldn't explain how love hurts, but that love is the essence of our humanity and that to not love would be to live in the depths of hell, whatever that may be.
Speaker C:It might be the physical hell, might be hell on earth, but not to be able to love and be loved is to live in that kind of hell.
Speaker C:And I realized that I would love a thousand times, and it will hurt me a thousand times, but I'll keep loving.
Speaker C:Because I've realized that grief is such a terrible thing that I don't want anybody in my life having doubts about how I feel about them.
Speaker C:Especially because I don't sometimes know how I feel about myself.
Speaker C:I understand that we are humans.
Speaker C:I understand that our humanity comes to play.
Speaker C:But I don't question a love that I believe in.
Speaker C:And if I don't believe in that love, I walk away from the love.
Speaker C:Mewa gave a book with me a reading that she did, Chimamanda's Notes on Grief.
Speaker C:And you know what I enjoyed about reading that book was the fact that as she wrote it felt like she was writing our hearts.
Speaker C:Like, you know, it felt like everything she said was our hearts.
Speaker C:And so I didn't feel so unusual with the way I felt because, like, me, while too people were angry.
Speaker C:What is wrong with you?
Speaker C:But I knew you were close to your dad.
Speaker C:I knew you loved your dad.
Speaker C:Because I talked about my dad.
Speaker C:Everybody who knew me knew my dad.
Speaker D:You know, I talked about that all.
Speaker C:The time, you know, but people couldn't understand why.
Speaker C:Like, what's wrong with you now?
Speaker C:What's wrong?
Speaker C:Why can't you.
Speaker C:Why can't you?
Speaker C:And what do you need?
Speaker C:And I don't know what I need in that moment.
Speaker C:I really don't know.
Speaker C:It's not like I'm trying to be difficult.
Speaker C:I don't know what I need.
Speaker C:If you ask me, what do you need?
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:I don't know what I need, but I think I need you.
Speaker C:But at the same time, don't come too close, you know, I don't know what I need.
Speaker C:I really.
Speaker C:It's inexplicable.
Speaker D:And I wasn't trying to be difficult.
Speaker C:I really wasn't.
Speaker C:I just didn't know what I needed.
Speaker D:You know, I didn't know how to be.
Speaker D:I.
Speaker D:I didn't know how people could.
Speaker C:Be there for me.
Speaker C:I don't know if you understand my point.
Speaker C:When people were sending me money, I'm like, why are you sending me money?
Speaker C:What am I supposed to do with this money?
Speaker C:Like, it.
Speaker C:It didn't make sense to me, you know?
Speaker C:And it all.
Speaker C:All comes down from the fact that you can't explain a pain you are.
Speaker C:You can't understand a pain you have not experienced.
Speaker C:And that's the excuse I have made for these people.
Speaker C:And if you can't, you can be empathetic.
Speaker C:You can have emotional intelligence, but some people just cannot understand a pain they've not experienced.
Speaker D:And some people say, oh, I lost my father.
Speaker C:I was there.
Speaker C:I joined the club and everything.
Speaker C:I don't know your relationship with your father.
Speaker C:I don't know how you navigated whatever it is you navigated with your father.
Speaker C:Whether your father died when you were 20, 19, 18, 40, 40 plus, like me, I don't know what your relationship was with my daddy.
Speaker C:I was 42 or 43.
Speaker C:42.
Speaker C:How old was I when Daddy died?
Speaker C:42.
Speaker C:I was 42 when I was 42.
Speaker C:And it was so painful, you know?
Speaker C:Let me just my last word.
Speaker C:The day I was flying to America, my friend Abiba was on.
Speaker C:Took me to the airport.
Speaker C:We're talking in the.
Speaker C:In the car, and I said she had lost both her parents.
Speaker C:And she was talking about everything, like, everybody.
Speaker C:You know what?
Speaker C:I don't think I'm ready to think about how my.
Speaker C:My mom and dad dying.
Speaker C:I'm not ready for that.
Speaker C:I can't process it.
Speaker C:It.
Speaker C:I'm not ready.
Speaker C:Let's not even talk about it.
Speaker C:I don't know how to process it.
Speaker C:She said.
Speaker C:And I was like, I can't deal with it.
Speaker C:I couldn't do.
Speaker C:Like, I didn't want to think about it.
Speaker C:And it was so weird how on.
Speaker D:That same trip was when I heard my father died.
Speaker D:You can't.
Speaker C:You can't.
Speaker D:You can't.
Speaker C:You can't explain it to anybody, but you can.
Speaker C:But what I've learned.
Speaker C:What I've learned that through this is that I understand that you cannot understand a pain that you have not experienced.
Speaker C:It might have been your father that died, might be your mother that died.
Speaker C:It might have been a child or an uncle who loved you or raised you.
Speaker C:But it is not your pain.
Speaker C:Like, you can understand it to the extent of how you've experienced the own loss of your own loved one.
Speaker C:But to define how someone else responds to their pain I think is a very unkind thing to do.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:I also want to add that I feel like.
Speaker A:I think that our family is closer now than it was before.
Speaker A:And I know.
Speaker A:I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I feel like.
Speaker A:And it's not closer in a way that is like, oh, now we have to be closer.
Speaker A:Cause it's a.
Speaker A:It's a.
Speaker A:It's a.
Speaker A:It's a closer in that we are closer just because that this Is something.
Speaker A:This is a shared experience that we've experienced.
Speaker A:For us to lose our fathers, for our mother to just even deal with the loss of two ex husbands back to back.
Speaker A:I don't know what that feels like.
Speaker A:That would be a combo for.
Speaker C:It's funny how we make fun of how we did now.
Speaker D:You know, how we make.
Speaker D:Just then.
Speaker D:It wasn't funny then, but a few months later, we'll tease out with it.
Speaker A:You know, But I feel like, you know, that is something that has happened.
Speaker A:And even.
Speaker A:Just like, even me and, you know, Auntie A.B.
Speaker A:and our relationship, I'm just very, like, grateful in a sense.
Speaker A:Grateful in a sense that our family is stronger together.
Speaker A:Well, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:Because there was a.
Speaker A:I feel like there's a tendency for us as.
Speaker A:As we were getting older.
Speaker A:Well, I'm the youngest, but, like, as all of us were growing with age, I felt like there were times when we felt like we were all moving into our own, like, cocoons and creating, like, our own sub.
Speaker A:You know, we still have our communities.
Speaker A:We have our community, our people.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:But I feel like there has been a value in how we engage more with each other.
Speaker A:And I feel like even with our mom.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:You know, there's a level of grace we even give mommy now.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:That wasn't available three years ago, being honest.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:And so I'm just very thankful that.
Speaker A:That.
Speaker A:That is the.
Speaker C:The.
Speaker A:The light at the end of this.
Speaker A:Of the.
Speaker A:Of the very.
Speaker A:Of the very dark tunnel.
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:And I think I was talking to my friend.
Speaker A:I was like, my sisters lost their dad, and my dad and I had a very complicated relationship.
Speaker A:And I loved him regardless of it all.
Speaker A:Like I said, there were many highlights in our relationship, but I feel like it was different for y' all.
Speaker A:Like, y' all yalls dad was involved.
Speaker A:He was there.
Speaker A:He was present.
Speaker A:He was, you know, your dad was there, you know, and so I did not know how I felt like during that time period, it was like how I.
Speaker A:I feel like I need to be there for my sisters, because what I'm feeling, you know, they are feeling it times 10, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:Because this is all that, you know, it's a.
Speaker A:Was a huge part of their life.
Speaker A:And so, yeah, I'm just really happy that we have that.
Speaker A:I think my question now is.
Speaker B:Can I ask question, though?
Speaker A:Sure.
Speaker B:So for me, I'm curious as to the difference between the bonding from shared experiences and trauma bonding.
Speaker B:What's the difference and where is the advantage?
Speaker B:Because you have said and it.
Speaker B:And you're right, there's a, there's a, there's a closeness that has, that's been born from this.
Speaker B:But would you call it.
Speaker B:And again, I'm not, I don't know all of this therapy speak and the definitions of all of these things.
Speaker B:But is there an advantage in trauma bonding?
Speaker B:And what, how would you know the difference whether it is trauma bonding?
Speaker C:I don't know what trauma bonding is.
Speaker A:I don't think we are trauma bonded.
Speaker A:I don't think that, I don't think that's our thing.
Speaker A:And I, I don't know therapy speak.
Speaker A:So I'm not a therapist, I'm not a clinical psychologist.
Speaker A:I don't think we're trauma bonded.
Speaker A:From my basic knowledge of it, I feel like we are siblings who have experienced a certain degree of loss and in our own way recognize the things that I know.
Speaker A:Even though you said nothing really matters and Sharma is saying that everything matters, there is still a similarity.
Speaker A:Like nothing really matters.
Speaker A:I'm just going to leave life as, you know, as you call.
Speaker A:You're like, everything matters.
Speaker A:I'm just going to live life as they come, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:Experience that we are experiencing together.
Speaker A:And it's because of you we know ourselves the longest.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Everybody else doesn't know us as long as we know each other as well.
Speaker A:Nobody in our lives as well, you know, not even your children.
Speaker A:We have, you know, you all know me the longest.
Speaker A:You know, we all know because we grew up together.
Speaker A:And I feel like, and we've experienced this situation together.
Speaker A:And so it's just normal that we will just graduate and just hold each other.
Speaker A:And I think that's what I was even going to with my next question in the sense of like how one year has passed, you know, we've, we've made it to the other side of the year.
Speaker A:How can we hold ourselves better?
Speaker A:How can we hold ourselves.
Speaker A:We care with love as we continue to move on.
Speaker A:Because this is not the, this is not the last time I would experience grief.
Speaker A:And I know that is something that.
Speaker C:Is scary to think about, you know.
Speaker A:Harrowing to say or scary to say.
Speaker A:But as you get older, the probability of you experiencing grief becomes more, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:And you know, there is grief of, and specifically grief of death.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:We will lose friends, we will lose family members, we will lose loved ones, we'll lose business partners, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:How can we hold Each other more with love that we know now from this experience.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:How would you want.
Speaker A:How would you want us to hold each other with love and care as we move to this new iteration of our lives?
Speaker C:I think that's a powerful question.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:It is.
Speaker B:It is.
Speaker B:But you mentioned something.
Speaker B:There's a reason why the family is closer now is that you are able to give more grace.
Speaker B:You know, you are able to give more grace knowing that tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Speaker B:You know, somehow I know you.
Speaker B:You know me.
Speaker B:You know, somehow, after all said and done, we are all we have.
Speaker B:After all said and done, the truth is people could have.
Speaker B:Who could have comforted you in your grief.
Speaker B:But just like you identified, nobody can understand our relationships with our parents.
Speaker B:Like us in as much as we all had different relationships with our parents.
Speaker B:We understand that.
Speaker B:We understand that.
Speaker B:I can tell you that I'm upset with Daddy without the feeling of judgment.
Speaker B:You can still, you know that I still love him even though I.
Speaker B:I can tell you the things he did wrong.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:Yeah, it won't change how, you know, I feel.
Speaker B:Do you understand my point?
Speaker B:There are some things have conversations with strangers about that strangers would never understand.
Speaker B:You know, you say that to them and they're like, so why you move?
Speaker B:I remember one of my friends was like, so you love your dad like this now?
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:You know, another one told me, ah, me what?
Speaker B:Me too.
Speaker B:I lost my father.
Speaker B:Why, why you still carrying it?
Speaker B:Like, why you still carrying on your head like this?
Speaker B:You.
Speaker B:At some point you need to let it go.
Speaker B:At some point you need to let it go.
Speaker B:You know, I kept replaying the Will Smith scene in my head.
Speaker B:You know that part where he slapped Chris Rock and Chris Rock, right.
Speaker B:And he said, keep my wife name out of your mouth.
Speaker B:That was what was going on.
Speaker B:You know how in a movie they show you what is going on in the.
Speaker B:In the actor's head and what really happens in my head, that is what is happening.
Speaker B:You know, keep my father's name out of mouth.
Speaker B:Don't, don't, don't.
Speaker B:But outside I'm smiling and I'm like, okay, thank you.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:You know, you still have to.
Speaker B:It's okay.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:So just like you said, there's a.
Speaker B:There's a measure of grace that we are able to give each other now that we probably were not able to give each other before.
Speaker B:There are things we can talk about now, you know, even in the midst of this grief that we can help each other through that we probably couldn't before there is shared the shared pain.
Speaker B:I understand why yours was so hard for you, you know.
Speaker B:You understand why mine was hard for me.
Speaker B:You understand.
Speaker B:You understand the complications that are inherent in our relationships with our parents, with the family.
Speaker B:You know, there are things I can complain to you about that I can't complain to anybody else about.
Speaker B:So I think that's the only advantage of this.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, I think that's the only advantage of this.
Speaker B:The fact that this death was able to bring the family together in a way that nothing could have probably.
Speaker B:But at the same time, the loss of some people that you've been able to deal with or I've been able to deal with anyways because somebody else is there, you know, helping me through, holding my hand, you know, okay, you're gone, it's fine.
Speaker B:You know, God.
Speaker B:God will be faithful enough in my head to Bible says he sets the solitary in families is the father of the father gives you the comfort that you need.
Speaker B:And sometimes my relationship with God has also evolved, I must say as well from what it was before.
Speaker B:You know, I'm able to have a more personal out of body experience, if you like, because my relationship with God now is not captured in any books.
Speaker B:I can't explain it with any religious texts.
Speaker B:It's just a personal thing that God and I have to navigate ourselves, just like my relationship with my father.
Speaker B:Do you understand?
Speaker B:So, yeah, I think one year after I'm learning to listen a bit more, to live a bit more, to give a bit more grace, and sometimes sit back and say, okay, maybe there's another side to this thing.
Speaker B:Maybe there's another perspective.
Speaker B:Maybe, just maybe.
Speaker C:Yeah, yeah, thanks for sharing that.
Speaker C:I just wanted to say start with something you said about the trauma bonding.
Speaker C:And I really don't know what trauma bonding means.
Speaker B:Don't worry, I don't either.
Speaker B:Like I said, it's therapist don't, just don't buy it.
Speaker C:But what I do know is I feel like when you say that thing about we can talk about our fathers without knowing that either of us carry like either of the three of us carry resentment even about whatever experiences we had of him.
Speaker C:And that's been quite healing for me.
Speaker C:I think Maywa and I have spoken recently and realized that, oh wow, this was your experience.
Speaker C:This was your experience.
Speaker C:And when she said extension of grace, I understood that very well.
Speaker C:Because understanding that we've all had like unique experiences, even though growing up in the same home has allowed us to extend grace even to Mommy, Even to Mommy.
Speaker C:It's allowed us extend grace to the extent of understanding that last.
Speaker C:Last.
Speaker C:Now we get each other, you know, which ultimately says that when it comes down to it, we are all we've got.
Speaker C:When it comes down to it, I know that if my house is on fire and I say, maya, my house is on fire, help me protect Makayla, Harry, help me protect Zach, then two of you share.
Speaker C:Nathan, I know that ultimately I am fine.
Speaker C:You know, it doesn't matter if we've not even seen or spoken for three weeks, four weeks.
Speaker C:Not like there should be that much of a distance between our conversations, but it just reminds us that this pain will feel again.
Speaker C:Circumstance, everything matters.
Speaker C:And the fact that we've learned to extend grace to each other, I think we've all learned to extend more grace to one another.
Speaker C:And that's so important.
Speaker C:And I think that.
Speaker C:I think one year after, I don't think I've fully processed Daddy's passing yet.
Speaker C:I've been so afraid to go to his house because it will remind me that he's not here.
Speaker C:But I know there's a need to go to his house.
Speaker C:You know, there's so much I need to do that I think I need to do with regards to his death.
Speaker C:But I freeze a lot because I am afraid that, is this man really gone?
Speaker C:You know, is he really, truly gone?
Speaker C:You know, sometimes I really hope I go to bed at night and I hear his voice in my dream or something like that.
Speaker C:I don't know, Harry.
Speaker C:I don't think I've fully processed his death.
Speaker C:I feel like one year after, I'm still.
Speaker C:It feels fresh.
Speaker C:It feels very fresh for me.
Speaker C:Like, where did one year go to?
Speaker C:Like a whole entire year without this man's voice in my ear saying, auntie Shema, how are you, everybody?
Speaker C:Was auntie and uncle with him?
Speaker C:I don't know, Harry.
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:I don't know how.
Speaker C:I don't know what the future presents.
Speaker C:And you said something which is so true.
Speaker C:As we get older, the possibility for us experiencing more loss increases.
Speaker C:I've buried friends since Daddy died.
Speaker C:Buried friends.
Speaker C:My friends have buried children, you know, lost work.
Speaker C:You know, it's been so much that has happened to my one's point of nothing else matters is the fact that.
Speaker D:Look, God is going to sort me out with food.
Speaker C:If my daddy went into the ground and hasn't come out yet, then nothing matters.
Speaker C:I'll be fine.
Speaker C:And it also shook my relationship with God.
Speaker C:And I'll share this one before I Hand over shook my relationship with God.
Speaker C:I questioned God, why didn't you answer our prayers?
Speaker C:God, you know, we're not ready for this.
Speaker C:But seeing my friend lose her son.
Speaker C:And I asked her the day we buried him on Friday, how do you still have a relationship with God?
Speaker C:Because I knew you prayed and I knew you prayed hard.
Speaker C:She prayed for 12 hours for that boy after they pronounced him dead.
Speaker C:And she said that someone who had experienced her own kind of pain had to reach out to her.
Speaker C:This was a woman who had also buried a 29 year old child.
Speaker C:And because everything everybody else said to her didn't matter, you know, like I've lost my dad, I've not lost a child.
Speaker C:And someone who had experienced her own kind of pain had to reach out to her.
Speaker C:And the person told her, you may have lost something, but you've not lost everything.
Speaker C:And she said that was what got her back on track with God.
Speaker C:And I sat down there with so much humility as I listened to her through her pain, still maintained a love for God Because I was mad at God on her behalf.
Speaker C:I was so angry, I was so hurt.
Speaker C:But what I discovered in this one year to my father's death anniversary is that even when you lose something, you've not lost everything.
Speaker C:And that it doesn't stop God from being God.
Speaker C:I don't understand that fully yet I don't understand what that means.
Speaker C:Saying it doesn't stop God, God from being God, yet I don't understand what it means in holding on to relationship with God ever so tightly when sometimes it feels like he lets you down and it doesn't tell you anything to help you get through the process.
Speaker C:I help you even just help you, just let you know that this thing will happen so you don't have to arrange yourself, you know, I don't understand it fully.
Speaker C:I'm not going to lie.
Speaker C:I don't think it's all uhuru with me and God yet I don't know how to get to that place of trusting him so much again or even praying to him so much and saying, God, please hear my prayer.
Speaker C:Because I feel like he's never going to answer it.
Speaker C:That's is how I feel.
Speaker C:I hope that at some point I can find my way back to him, whatever that means.
Speaker C:Because lost a marriage, lost a father, lost jobs, lost relationships, I've lost so many things.
Speaker C:Children, friends, lose children, now I don't know, lost friends.
Speaker C:I don't know how to find my way back to God if I'm honest.
Speaker C:So I'M hoping that maybe this one year will help me hear God, so to speak.
Speaker B:Now.
Speaker A:Sorry, I'm just processing everything that you all have shared and said, yeah, it's been.
Speaker A:It's been a.
Speaker A:It's been a fast year.
Speaker A:But, yeah, just a recommitment and just knowing from everything I shared that we all.
Speaker A:We have each other.
Speaker A:We can't lean on each other.
Speaker A:We can crack jokes at each other.
Speaker A:We can tease our.
Speaker A:Tease our only living parents now.
Speaker D:Yes.
Speaker B:So that part right there.
Speaker A:Yeah, I think that is a.
Speaker A:That is a good day.
Speaker A:I want to end this on a.
Speaker A:On a lighter note.
Speaker A:I don't want, you know, it to be like, oh, you know, I mean, Griff is a part of life.
Speaker A:But also just naming that in the moments of grief, we find moments of joy to.
Speaker A:I just want you.
Speaker A:I want you all to name what are the.
Speaker A:What are your moments of joy?
Speaker A:What has been your moments of joy throughout, you know, this process?
Speaker A:You know, what's the thing that, you know, has made you laugh from the depths of your bellies or just brings you joy in general?
Speaker A:You know, like me.
Speaker A:Jollof Rice will always bring me joy, but I've cut it out, Indomie.
Speaker A:I'm trying to lose this weight.
Speaker A:You know what?
Speaker A:I think that bring you joy and moments of laughter.
Speaker B:I think a couple of things bring me joy in the midst of all of these things.
Speaker B:One, the way the family has bonded since daddy died.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's different.
Speaker B:I don't think we've had in all my life, I don't think we've had that level of bonding.
Speaker B:And I'm not just talking about the small family.
Speaker B:I'm talking about, you know, to a large extent, cousins that Pop C.
Speaker B:Was a part of their life.
Speaker B:I'm talking about even the relationship with Auntie A.B.
Speaker B:during the burial, how we're able to talk.
Speaker B:Yes, I love that.
Speaker B:Because nothing else could have done that for us.
Speaker B:Just like you said, we had all grown apart and grown in our own ways, independent, away from each other.
Speaker B:But somehow this shared experience created an avenue for us to actually sit and talk like it had never happened for a long, long, long time.
Speaker B:And for me, I think that was one of the best things.
Speaker B:You know, just like you said, Shema and I were not talking for a long time until Daddy died, you know, and since that happened, we are able to extend some level of grace to each other because of that, you know, knowing that, yeah, it's not that serious anymore.
Speaker B:Anything can happen, you know.
Speaker B:Second thing that Brings me joy.
Speaker B:From the bottom of my belly is hearing people share their experiences of him.
Speaker B:I love it when I hear who your dad did this.
Speaker B:And your dad, or just hearing people share stories about him brings me so much joy because it makes it.
Speaker B:He was real.
Speaker C:He lived.
Speaker B:He touched people.
Speaker B:He made people happy.
Speaker B:It wasn't just me, you know, I.
Speaker B:I'm a very selfish person in that my relationships with people are my own.
Speaker B:My brother is my brother.
Speaker B:I don't care about anybody else.
Speaker B:My sister is my daddy is my daddy.
Speaker B:My mom is my mommy.
Speaker B:Do you understand?
Speaker B:I'm that selfish with.
Speaker B:I don't know how to explain it, but in my head, my relationship with that person is my relationship.
Speaker B:I'm not.
Speaker B:I'm not factoring in anybody else.
Speaker B:So when I talk about my brother is my brother.
Speaker B:Any other person can be whatever to you, but he's my daddy.
Speaker B:And that's.
Speaker B:I don't know how to explain it in my head.
Speaker B:That's how my relationships work.
Speaker B:And that was my relationship with my dad.
Speaker B:But knowing that.
Speaker B:Okay, so you also had this experience.
Speaker B:We also made you laugh.
Speaker B:He also, you know, did this with you.
Speaker B:It makes it seem substantial for me, and I think it brings me so much joy.
Speaker B:Unlike Shema, I'm not a camera person.
Speaker B:I'm not a picture person.
Speaker B:I don't have a lot of recordings of him, you know, which is a regret I have.
Speaker B:And it's not like I've done anything to shift that regret and make it better.
Speaker A:Generally, we're still waiting.
Speaker B:Yeah, but just.
Speaker B:But just seeing.
Speaker B:Seeing him through other people's eyes, seeing the video, seeing pictures, hearing their experiences with him brings me so much joy.
Speaker B:So much joy.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:There's a video of your dad dancing.
Speaker A:I don't know what song he was dancing to.
Speaker A:That video makes me laugh.
Speaker A:All.
Speaker A:I love that video.
Speaker B:He loved.
Speaker C:God, he loved those two songs.
Speaker A:That video gets me every time.
Speaker A:Every time.
Speaker A:Okay, that is him.
Speaker B:That is him.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker C:I think echoing what both of you have said, it is the fact that our family came closer.
Speaker C:I've always.
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:I've.
Speaker C:I've always been big on family anyway.
Speaker C:But I appreciate how much closer we are now.
Speaker C:I really do appreciate how much closer the families, like Mayor said, the Nick, our small unit and the bigger unit, you know, I appreciate how much closer we are now.
Speaker C:I appreciate that to sound a bit selfish.
Speaker C:I appreciate that I have you guys in ways that I have you guys.
Speaker C:And the fact that I can reach out to.
Speaker C:Mayor, please, can you Help me do something with Nathan, which I couldn't do for five years or four years.
Speaker C: I don't know, since: Speaker C:That's three years, you know, I couldn't.
Speaker A:2024.
Speaker C:2024, rather.
Speaker C:Thank you.
Speaker C:And I couldn't have such a long time.
Speaker C:And I always tell my friends, I miss my sister.
Speaker C:I miss my sister.
Speaker C:I really miss my sister.
Speaker C:It's sad that Daddy had to die, but I'm grateful that it's really brought us to this place of needing each other and leaning on each other and depending on each other and seeing value in each other.
Speaker C:I think a lot of times we take the people closest to us for granted.
Speaker C:And I'm also guilty of that, that she's there now, she's not going anywhere.
Speaker C:And I always say that thing I tell my friends when me and my siblings grow, we always find our way back to each other.
Speaker C:We are siblings.
Speaker C:But I think it's also a selfish thing to say because it means that I will most likely take them for granted more than I will do outsiders.
Speaker C:As I'm.
Speaker C:As I'm saying this now, I'm just coming to that realization as we're having this conversation and realizing that because they are there, it's easy to take them for granted because siblings always find our way back to each other.
Speaker C:But three years, four years doesn't have to pass before we find our way back to each other and understand that I would say nothing else matters.
Speaker C:Nothing matters anymore.
Speaker C:Maybe that pride you hold on to, that anger you hold on to, really doesn't matter anymore.
Speaker C:In this extent that I really want to have this moment with you.
Speaker C:I want to share my wins with you and I want to share my sorrows with you.
Speaker C:So yes, I will echo what two of you have said in saying that the joy is in the family.
Speaker C:The world brings me so much joy.
Speaker C:I really don't know.
Speaker C:I haven't really thought about it, if I'm honest.
Speaker C:I've inside a lot.
Speaker C:I've inside a lot lately.
Speaker C:And I know you see me, I'm always like so happy and you see me on social media and I'm always posting pictures, but I've been sad a lot, so I really, really can't think about what gives me joy.
Speaker C:I wish I could say ice cream, but I've been on a diet so.
Speaker D:I can't eat ice cream like I used to.
Speaker C:I wish I could say movies and tv, but I fall asleep when I watch TV or when I watch movies.
Speaker C:Popcorn Though Popcorn.
Speaker C:Cinema popcorn.
Speaker C:Maybe I can say cinema popcorn.
Speaker C:And just for the record, one time I asked Miwa for seven thousand naira to buy me popcorn.
Speaker C:And Mewa refused to give me seven thousand naira to buy popcorn.
Speaker C:She made me go to the cinema.
Speaker C:I went to the cinema looking for popcorn.
Speaker D:I said, I want you to have popcorn today.
Speaker C:I said, yeah, great idea.
Speaker C:I went to the cinema, realized I had no money on me.
Speaker D:But I so badly wanted to eat popcorn.
Speaker D:And I called my only sister in.
Speaker C:The world and I said I need help.
Speaker D:Please buy me popcorn.
Speaker C:This girl refused.
Speaker D:I thought she was joking.
Speaker D:Harry.
Speaker D:I sat in the cinema 1 hour, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 40 minutes, 1 hour.
Speaker C:Mimi.
Speaker D:Half an hour.
Speaker C:Where is the money?
Speaker D:She didn't send me the money to buy the popcorn.
Speaker D:And she made me desire popcorn.
Speaker D:She really truly left.
Speaker B:Somebody doesn't have money to go to work the next day.
Speaker B:She's looking to eat 7,000 naira popcorn.
Speaker B:Harry, where is the well?
Speaker A:Wait.
Speaker A:What well?
Speaker A:Wait, why is popcorn?
Speaker D:Harry?
Speaker C:I think.
Speaker B:Gary, I point.
Speaker B: I think there's: Speaker B: Why you eating: Speaker D:7000 is the big one.
Speaker D:The one you can eat for long.
Speaker A:Nigeria is wild.
Speaker C: It's: Speaker C:It's only in Abuja.
Speaker C:That is crazy.
Speaker C:Anyway, let that be on record.
Speaker A:It's ridiculous.
Speaker B:For a family.
Speaker A:Anyway.
Speaker B:The soup may not be rich.
Speaker D:But it will be soup.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:So this is what brings me joy.
Speaker A:This is what brings me joy.
Speaker C:Was quite painful.
Speaker C:I wouldn't tell you lies.
Speaker C:My sister let me down.
Speaker B:I will do it.
Speaker B:And guess what?
Speaker C:I begged Harry.
Speaker C:I asked paint and 20,000 error for 7,000 naira popcorn.
Speaker C:Let it be on record.
Speaker C:And by the way, I also called Harry that day.
Speaker C:But Harry was nowhere to be found.
Speaker C:In my time of need, my family.
Speaker D:Let me down after we had lost fathers.
Speaker B:Don't feel bad.
Speaker B:You are not feeding an addiction, do you?
Speaker A:Is it the same popcorn at New Metro?
Speaker A:Because I know when I was back in the day in Abuja, that was where they had a good no.
Speaker B:So there's this VIP cinema that Shema likes.
Speaker B:It's not normal human being cinema where people like peasants like us go to.
Speaker B:She goes to VIP cinema where they say VIP popcorn.
Speaker B:She will now not buy normal human being size popcorn popcorn.
Speaker B: buy jumbo large VVIP size for: Speaker B:It's so yummy.
Speaker C:It's yummy.
Speaker B:Me, the regular human is supposed to be feeding that addiction.
Speaker B:Hello.
Speaker A:7,000 popcorn.
Speaker A:7,000 for popcorn is Wild.
Speaker B:Wild.
Speaker C:It's different from microwave popcorn.
Speaker C:It doesn't tast like, it's just nice and warm.
Speaker D:The sugar is not very warm.
Speaker A:On.
Speaker A:The last time I bought popcorn in Nigeria was maybe like 500.
Speaker A: It was maybe it was: Speaker B: I eat is: Speaker B:That's expensive.
Speaker C:No, it's.
Speaker C:No, that's not giving.
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:That used to be so good.
Speaker B:1200 for a big guys.
Speaker C:Is it cinema popcorn?
Speaker C:It's not cinema popcorn.
Speaker C:Cinema popcorn has a different vibe to it.
Speaker C:It's nice and warm.
Speaker C:You can still taste the warmth in it.
Speaker D:You know, something like so crunchy.
Speaker B:I'm not about that.
Speaker C:Please send me money.
Speaker C:Let me eat popcorn.
Speaker B:I'm not about that life.
Speaker C:Nope.
Speaker B:Nope.
Speaker A:Well, well, you know, this has been.
Speaker A:This has been such a great conversation, and I'm happy that we're.
Speaker A:We're ending on a lighter note.
Speaker A:I want to just recommit again and say that, you know, I love you all.
Speaker A:You all are my family and we're going to hold each other forever.
Speaker A:Whatever life is going to bring to us in the future, we will navigate.
Speaker A:We'll go through it.
Speaker C:Amen.
Speaker C:Amen.
Speaker A:I just really appreciate your vulnerability for coming on and talking about something that is honestly a very sensitive and very hard topic, but still important to share.
Speaker A:Hopefully our experiences will let folks know that they're not alone.
Speaker A:And if we can get through it, they can get through it, too.
Speaker A:So, yeah.
Speaker A:Thanks, y' all for coming.
Speaker A:Thank you for the folks.
Speaker C:Thank you for having us.
Speaker B:Thank you for making us have this conversation.
Speaker B:You know, we wouldn't have had this conversation otherwise.
Speaker B:Thank you for being the catalyst for this.
Speaker C:Thank you.
Speaker A:No problem.
Speaker A:No problem at all.
Speaker B:Making the hard conversation seem easy.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:My sisters are my biggest.
Speaker A:Are my biggest cheerleaders, and I love them for that.
Speaker A:But, yeah, thank you.
Speaker A:Thank you for watching.
Speaker A:Thank you for listening.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker B:People.
